


Snapshots

by yuraxchan



Series: Snapshots!au [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Asexuality, Chanyeol-centric - Freeform, Coming Out, F/M, Friends turn Lovers, Heteronormativity, Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Non-Consensual Kissing, Pining, Self-Discovery, Underage Drinking, blowjob, dysfunctional/unhealthy friendships, handjob, lots of first times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:56:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7198898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraxchan/pseuds/yuraxchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Jongin found Chanyeol loud, obnoxious and utterly annoying, trying to shy away from his touches and avoiding him like the plague when Sehun wasn’t around, Chanyeol, on the contrary, was constantly trying to build a bridge between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snapshots

**Author's Note:**

> Started from the bottom and now we’re here. 
> 
> This fic was originally a tweetfic “kids!chansekai with jongin wanting sehun only for himself and being mean to chanyeol because he wants to steal his bff” and turned into this monster. 
> 
> Written for my [cutie P.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/dieilux) because we talked about writing chankaihun like…one year ago. We talked about lots of plots but I chose to write this one. For now. I really hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I loved writing it. I hope you’ll remember your ideas too because they’re here ;) 
> 
> I’m really emotional right now. I’ve started it in August 2015 and finished it in March 2016. This is my biggest project in English, I’m kind of proud. I’ve also written lots of personal experiences in this fic and I feel like I lost a piece of me in the process. 
> 
> I don’t want to spoil the fic too much but you might have questions after reading it and I’ll be there to answer them all. Just be respectful about it. I will delete all offending and insulting comments. 
> 
> Some heads up though:  
> 1) I wrote the fic before knowing Hani and Junsu were dating, same for Jongin and Krystal.  
> 2) This is only a work of fiction. I love EXO members to pieces. All of them.  
> 3) This is my take on asexuality, which is based on my experience only. Asexuality has many other forms that aren’t portrayed in this fic.  
> 4) Some dynamics might seem fucked up, but they do exist. I’m a living proof of that. 
> 
> I want to thank my lovely beta and friend who took the time to beta this monster, [Koshitsu_Kamira](http://archiveofourown.org/users/koshitsu_kamira/profile), thank you very much bb for everything. I love you ♥
> 
> I also want to thank some friends from my t-list for the hand-holding, you know who you are. I teased you a lot with this fic LOL sorry guys I hope you won’t be disappointed with the real thing. 
> 
> Enjoy and don’t forget to leave kudos and comments if you like it :)

**Preschool**

Sehun was playing hide and seek with Jongin when Chanyeol noticed him that morning, pressing a quick kiss to his mom’s cheek before entering the school’s gate. Chanyeol waved enthusiastically at Sehun and trotted towards him, only stopping five millimeters away from his face. “Hi, can I play with you Sehunnie?” he asked boldly, with his usual loud voice.

Sehun only blinked cutely at him, his lower lip jutted out, and Jongin snorted beside them. “Loud,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes. Chanyeol’s smile faltered a little at that but he chose to ignore the younger and solely focused his attention on Sehun’s expression. 

Sehun tilted his head to the side and nodded slowly, offering him a beaming smile. “Yes, but you have to hide!” he grinned. 

Jongin pouted and sent a glare in Chanyeol’s direction, annoyed at the prospect of sharing his friend. Sehun was  _ his _ best friend. “Hide well so we won’t ever find you,” Jongin scowled at him when Sehun turned his back to them and started counting.

Jongin wasn't cute though, Jongin was mean and Chanyeol didn't know why. He didn't do anything wrong, he only wanted to play.

“Don’t make it too easy for me guys,” Sehun giggled. He continued to count and Chanyeol ran when he heard him scream "eight". He ran faster and faster to find a good hiding place, but there were only trees in the school court. Chanyeol pouted. He hid behind the biggest one and waited. He didn't hear Sehun anymore so maybe he had been already done counting.

"I'm coming!" Sehun screamed, giggling to himself. Chanyeol heard footsteps and plastered himself against the tree. Then, he closed his eyes and stopped breathing, thinking Sehun wouldn't notice him if he didn't make any noise. Five, ten minutes passed but nothing happened. Chanyeol's legs were becoming tired and they started to hurt, so he crouched.  _ Sehun didn't find him? _

Confused, Chanyeol peeked and his eyes widened as he watched Sehun and Jongin running around the court, chasing each other while laughing. Quite angry, Chanyeol made his way to Sehun and planted himself in front of the little boy. "I was waiting for you!" he whined, pointing his finger at Sehun.

Sehun's eyes widened at that and he spluttered. "But...I thought you stopped playing?" He glanced at Jongin and frowned. "Nini told me you weren't playing anymore..." he whispered, looking sad. "I'm sorry." Chanyeol deflated and glared at Jongin, Sehun looked way too sincere for it to be a lie. Jongin stuck out his tongue at Chanyeol and grabbed Sehun's hand. "Let's go Sehunie," he said, pulling his best friend away.

But Sehun didn't move. "We can't let Chanyeol play alone," he pouted, upset, and stomped his foot. Jongin's eyes softened. "He can play with us then..." Jongin mumbled, looking everywhere but at Chanyeol's hopeful expression. Sehun grinned at him.

Waiting expectantly, Chanyeol offered them a hesitant smile. "So can I really play with you?" he asked shyly.

Sehun nodded eagerly and caught his hand, tugging him closer. With Jongin on one side and Chanyeol on the other side he giggled.

 

Of course it didn’t last. Chanyeol and Jongin would fight for Sehun’s attention all the time in class, competing against each other to be the best in Sehun’s eyes. They would ask their parents to bake pastries or buy sweets for Sehun, they would draw for him in class, or offer to wash his hands and desk when they were painting to get on his good side. 

Chanyeol was in charge of making Sehun smile and laugh, playing around and doing ridiculous things like trying to climb trees to impress him. Jongin was the serious friend, defending Sehun against other kids or tying his shoelaces because Sehun was a clumsy boy. If Chanyeol was the boisterous type, Jongin was the quiet one of the bunch. 

For Sehun’s birthday, Chanyeol offered him a cake and a huge teddy bear that was bigger than Sehun himself, and Jongin glared at him all day before finally giving Sehun his own gift: a box of six origami figures (for Sehun celebrated his sixth birthday). 

Sehun was oblivious of the fight going on between them, giving both of them a toothy smile and a quick hug and thanking them for being his  _ best _ friends. 

Chanyeol had smiled back, very happy, and Jongin had frowned, very displeased. 

 

 

 

**Middleschool**

Their weird dynamic didn’t change much in middle school. Sehun was oblivious of Jongin and Chanyeol’s rivalry while they competed against each other to be the  _ best _ best friend of the younger. Jongin became quieter, focusing on his studies,  _ Sehun _ and dance—his newfound passion, and Chanyeol grew more confident, friendly with all their classmates, even though his priority was Sehun  _ and _ Jongin.

If Jongin found Chanyeol loud, obnoxious and utterly annoying, trying to shy away from his touches and avoiding him like the plague when Sehun wasn’t around, Chanyeol, on the contrary, was constantly trying to build a bridge between them. It was true that they didn’t start off on the right foot, but Chanyeol was doing his best to befriend Jongin. It wasn’t working that well though, Jongin was making it difficult for him to get close.  

Chanyeol was always ready to help Jongin with his studies when the younger didn’t understand the lesson, he was always eager to go see his performances or try the new videogame Jongin liked. Chanyeol was genuinely interested in Jongin since the start of their friendship—he had chosen to ignore the fact that the younger had been a total asshole to him since day one—and sometimes he wished Jongin would be interested in him too. 

Middle school was also the start of their love life; first kiss, first love, first awkward love confession. Jongin got confessed by the prettiest girl of the class—Krystal—but coldly rejected her with the excuse of being  _ too young and too busy to date  _ (he had heard that line in a movie once). Heartbroken, the poor girl was comforted by the happy virus of the class, who was none other than Chanyeol at the time. 

Chanyeol was stunned by Jongin’s insensitive reaction, frowning at his friend and reprimanding him for the first time. “This isn’t right, Jongin. You were mean!” Jongin only rolled his eyes at him and huffed, unimpressed. “Go out with her if you have time to lose and see if I care!” Chanyeol had been hurt by the comment but thankfully Sehun was there to appease the tension between them. None of them could resist his sad puppy eyes and none of them wanted Sehun to be sad because of them.  

Chanyeol’s first kiss happened on the same day in the middle of the classroom, while Krystal and he were surrounded by their classmates chanting their names and  _ a kiss! a kiss! a kiss! _ Blushing madly, Krystal had pecked Chanyeol on the lips to make them shut up, the latter touching his lips and staring at her with wide eyes afterwards.  

Sehun was ecstatic, congratulating him and bombarding him with questions of  _ How was it? Were her lips soft? Was it weird? Come on tell me everything!  _ Chanyeol had stuttered something in response, his eyes not leaving Jongin’s. The younger had looked strangely sad and he didn’t know what to make of it. Was Jongin mad at Chanyeol for being kissed by Krystal? But he had rejected her! Wait, did he like her? Was he too shy to confess? Chanyeol’s head hurt with all the questions he had about Jongin’s attitude. If only the younger would  _ talk _ to him about those things, it would make his life easier. But no, Jongin would rather ignore him than talk to him.

Jongin grew distant after that episode, not spending time with either of them outside of school—at Sehun’s dismay, the younger pouting and sulking for a few days. Chanyeol felt bad, if Jongin was mad at him he shouldn’t be mad at Sehun too, right? It was unfair to the youngest.   

“He’s not mad,” Sehun replied when Chanyeol asked him about it, feeling guilty and regretful. “At least he said so.”

“Are you sure? He looked pretty mad…and he’s not talking to me.” Chanyeol mumbled somberly. “Not noticing me, I mean.” Because usually Jongin wasn’t talking to him but he still nodded and looked at him at least. Now, Chanyeol was transparent.  

“Don’t worry, he will come around!” Sehun cheerfully said, bumping their shoulders together. “He’s just weird like that.”

Chanyeol wasn’t convinced but he nodded anyway. Maybe Sehun was right, he knew Jongin better so he would know. Jongin must have talked to him and explained his weird attitude. Chanyeol wondered if they met without him now, before chasing the thought away, not wanting to feel even more depressed.

Krystal and Chanyeol never talked about the kiss, choosing to stay friends instead. Krystal had only kissed him to thank him after all, she still liked Jongin; the same Jongin who didn’t care about her and was mad at Chanyeol for no valid reason. It was Chanyeol’s turn to be mad then. He stopped trying to fix things and stopped looking in Jongin’s direction, ignoring him too.

Jongin finally stopped avoiding Chanyeol in the following weeks so Chanyeol had to stop being mad too—it was Sehun’s weird logic and even if he found it stupid and unfair Chanyeol agreed anyway. Everything remained the same for the rest of the school year: the three of them hanging out, Sehun talking to Jongin  _ and _ Chanyeol while Jongin continued to ignore Chanyeol’s existence despite his efforts to make amends—for what he wasn’t sure.  

“Why is he so mean?” Chanyeol whined petulantly for the umpteenth time, frustrated by Jongin’s silence. 

Sehun frowned. “Jongin isn’t mean!” he replied, defensive.

Chanyeol lowered his head and bit his lips. “Why are you always defending him? Isn’t it unfair? Am I not your best friend too?” 

“Of course you’re my best friend too!” Sehun spluttered, grabbing his wrist. “But Jongin never says anything bad about you, so why do you?” 

“He doesn’t say anything bad but he is still mean to me...” Chanyeol mumbled, annoyed. “Since the first day I met you.”

Sehun sighed, linking their arms. “He’s just jealous, but I’m sure he likes you too.” 

Chanyeol doubted it, but he didn’t say. Sehun wouldn’t understand, Jongin was nice to him. Also, Jongin had been Sehun’s friend first, Chanyeol just couldn’t compete.   

 

 

 

**High school**

During summer, Sehun kept babbling about basketball and how cool that sport was so Chanyeol decided to join the basketball club the day of their registration. Sehun had beamed at him, cheering for him at the try out and hugging him tight when he made the team, Jongin mumbling that he wanted to go home in the background, displeased. Jongin had only tagged along because Sehun had begged him to go with him. Chanyeol didn’t care though, secretly happy that they were both there for him.  He had seen Jongin following him with his eyes while he was training and it had boosted his ego, so he had done his best to keep Jongin’s attention on him. For once, Jongin had noticed him. It was a small victory for Chanyeol.

Sehun got his first girlfriend the third week of high school, a cute girl named Hani. He started hanging out with her more than with Chanyeol and Jongin, in school but also outside of school. Jongin was always busy with his dance club, mostly hanging out with his team and not caring much about Chanyeol. Jongin had started dancing because of Sehun—when the younger had wanted to try it before giving it up, but he genuinely liked it now, pursuing his passion for himself and not for his friend anymore. That must also explain why he didn’t look particularly fazed by Sehun’s absence.

Needless to say that it took a toll on Chanyeol’s mood as he felt left out and lonely without his friends around. The bubbly kid in middle school and the Chanyeol at the start of high school were two different people. He became quiet and smiled less and less as days passed, waiting for his friends to reach out for him. They didn’t.

Thankfully it didn’t last, Chanyeol getting close to his other classmates and becoming fast friends with a bunch of guys—Junmyeon, Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun with whom he played basketball. The second year of high school passed in a blur, Chanyeol, Jongin and Sehun not talking much, only exchanging polite smiles when they crossed paths in the corridor since they weren’t in the same class anymore.

Chanyeol thought of them a lot, and often wanted to send them a text to hang out but he never did it, seeing as Sehun was blissfully happy with his girlfriend and Jongin was focused on his passion. It didn’t prevent Chanyeol from looking out for his friends, making sure they were alright. He still came to see Jongin’s performances, even if he didn’t meet the dancer backstage anymore like he used to do, only going to watch him dance on stage. 

Chanyeol experienced a growth spurt after he started playing basketball, he developed muscles too which earned him a lot of attention from the school population—and girls of course. His voice became deeper as well which he found annoying since he couldn’t be discreet anymore—not that he had ever been. Puberty did him good, but it didn’t change anything, it didn’t change  _ him _ . He was still the same loud and gangly happy virus of the class, always joking around with his friends and playing pranks on teachers—they never got into trouble since they had good grades though. If there was something which didn’t change it was his self-confidence—well, his  _ lack of _ self-confidence. 

It was also during his second year of high school that Chanyeol began struggling with his sexuality. He had felt very confused at first, and helpless as he started dreaming about Jongdae’s kitten lips, Baekhyun’s thick thighs, Junmyeon’s arms, or Jongin’s sweaty and glistening torso at night, waking up to his soiled boxers in the morning. He badly wanted to talk about it to someone but he didn’t know who to talk to. His new friends weren’t an option, Chanyeol being too embarrassed to have had wet dreams about them and not being able to look them in the eyes some days. It was at times like this that he missed Sehun. Sehun would know what to say, Sehun always knew what to say to him. 

Chanyeol became desperate enough to want to talk about it with Jongin of all people, even though his wet dreams about him were the worst. He blamed his hormones of course, but also the way Jongin would look when he danced. Kim Jongin was sinful and very bad for Chanyeol’s heart and sanity. He had to sport a hard on for a whole day after watching Jongin rehearse for a performance. The younger seemed possessed by his dance, doing sex faces as he moved around the room. It didn’t help than Jongin’s sweats weren’t leaving anything to the imagination. Chanyeol had felt mortified when he had to run to the bathroom to jerk off, images of Jongin’s sweaty body behind his eyelids as he came embarrassingly fast. Chanyeol was very weak in front of hot and young boys.

In the end, he nearly broke down and finally blurted out to Jongdae that he might like guys. They were at Jongdae’s house, waiting for Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Junmyeon to study for their English test together. Jongdae had changed in front of him and Chanyeol felt uncomfortable, turning around to give him privacy, but Jongdae laughed at him “ _ dude _ ,  _ we’re both guys”.  _ Distressed, Chanyeol  snapped, becoming a stuttering and babbling mess as he came out to his friend. 

Jongdae took it better than Chanyeol would have thought, grabbing his face and poking his red cheeks to tease him. “Why are you looking so scared? It’s just me, idiot.”

“I-I’m sorry, I just thought-” 

“You think too much,” Jongdae cut him off, frowning. “I’m cool with it.” 

“So, you don’t mind?” Chanyeol asked with a small voice.

“Of course not,” Jongdae grinned cheekily. “Hey, have you ever gotten a boner watching me change in the locker room?”    

Chanyeol choked on his spit and groaned. “Oh my god!” 

Junmyeon, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun took it rather well too, even if Junmyeon took longer to get used to the idea and got a bit weird with Chanyeol for a while. He apologized later of course, realizing how stupid and insensitive it had been of him. Chanyeol avoided talking about it at first, but sometimes he would slip. His eyes would fall on a guy’s ass while they were together and his friends would roll their eyes and cough loudly to break him out of his daze.  

“You were more discreet before,” Jongdae commented dryly. 

Baekhyun chuckled. “How would you know? Maybe he was looking at your ass.” 

Jongdae gasped, his eyes widening. “Did you?” 

Chanyeol blushed slightly, and nodded. He didn’t see the point of lying. 

“Which one is better?” Baekhyun asked, smirking. “Mine, right?” 

Kyungsoo smacked his arms. “Can we talk about something else than ass this early in the morning please?” he groaned.

Chanyeol grinned, mouthing a thank you at his friend. 

When he felt better about himself and his newfound sexuality, Chanyeol tried to find a way to break the news to Sehun, and maybe Jongin, but the occasion never arose. Each time he saw Sehun he would smile and try to speak but all he could manage was “Hi, how are you?” to which Sehun replied quickly before hugging him and disappearing without asking the question back. Obviously, his friend was too busy with his life to care about Chanyeol’s. It always left Chanyeol with a strange feeling in his chest. 

Jongdae didn’t understand why he still tried to talk to Sehun, finding him rude to brush Chanyeol off that easily. It felt nice to have someone who cared enough about him to be mad when he hurt but Jongdae couldn’t understand, Sehun had always been special in Chanyeol’s heart. He would always be, no matter what. 

Chanyeol never really talked about Sehun or Jongin to his friends, not knowing what to say. They were both very important for Chanyeol but from someone else’s perspective it looked like Sehun, Jongin and Chanyeol didn’t know each other. His friends all thought Jongin was his crush anyway, because he would always go see his performances or rehearsals and never talk to him. Since Jongin never acknowledged him…he never saw the point of trying to explain.  (Also because he kinda sorta had a tiny crush on Jongin, not that he would admit it.)

 

The third year of high school was eventful to say the least.

Jongin hurt his ankle and couldn’t dance for months. Chanyeol had heard rumors and came to see him at home but Jongin didn’t want to see anyone—Chanyeol included of course, but he hadn’t dreamt of it anyway. Chanyeol knew how important dance was for him so he understood. He just didn’t want Jongin to feel lonely and get depressed. At school, Jongin seemed down but he still managed to come to class and help the dance club for their performances—Chanyeol had peeked through the door while he was busy and felt reassured to see him smile at one of his dancer friend’s clumsiness.  

Sehun never showed up despite Chanyeol countless texts and neither did Chanyeol see him talk to Jongin. 

Chanyeol’s first love also happened that year. His name was Yifan and he was their substitute basketball coach for two months. He was in university so he wasn’t that much older. Chanyeol fell for him as soon as his eyes met Yifan’s. At first, he was just acting like a lovesick puppy following his crush, Jongin long forgotten, and trying to be the best during trainings, also asking for advices. He wanted Yifan to notice him. 

The team knew of course, it was kind of obvious, but they kept the teasing to the minimum in front of Yifan. Chanyeol was glad he had them; they all accepted him for who he was, for who he liked. He had done his coming out at one of their parties to celebrate their victory, scared shitless of what their reactions would be, but they had only cheered and asked him who had the nicest dick. Chanyeol had wanted to cry right then and there but Jongdae was there to ruffle his hair and dry his eyes before ushering him to get drunk.

Chanyeol tried to gauge Yifan’s reaction when they were together, wanting to know if Yifan was receptive to him. He tried to come closer, brush his arm, wipe imaginary dust off his shirt. He also sent him a sultry look and a beaming smile, tried to flirt subtly, but all he received was a grin, a chuckle or a pat on the back. Chanyeol would pout then, disheartened as he whined to his friends. 

“I feel a connection between us though…” he mumbled, sitting on the bench in the locker room.

“A connection called ‘my dick wants you’,” Baekhyun snickered. “Or ‘my ass wants you’? Which one is it?”  

Chanyeol groaned, taking off his sweaty shirt and throwing it at his face. “Shut up Byun!” 

“He’s just jealous no one wants his dick.” Kyungsoo commented nonchalantly.

Jongdae burst into laughter, followed by the rest of the team, and Baekhyun gawked unattractively. Chanyeol only snorted and continued to undress before hitting the shower, slapping Baekhyun’s butt with his towel and making a kissy face at him as he walked past him. 

The last day of Yifan’s replacement, the coach waited for Chanyeol to finish changing before asking him to talk. Chanyeol felt dead tired and quite sad at the prospect of not seeing Yifan anymore, but even if he wanted to go home quickly to hide under his blanket he said yes anyway. Jongdae wiggled his eyebrows at him before closing the door and a small smile tugged at Chanyeol’s lips. 

They sat on the bench and Yifan waited for all the guys of the team to leave before he started to talk.

“Now that I’m not your coach anymore,” he started, fidgeting. “Would you go on a date with me?” 

Chanyeol froze in shock, his eyes widening. His heart was beating crazily in his chest and his cheeks pinked slightly. “A-Are you serious?” he stuttered. “You want to date  _ me _ ?” Chanyeol pointed at his chest in disbelief, not yet convinced. 

“I like you, Chanyeol.” Yifan confessed seriously. “I liked you since the first day, I just wasn’t sure if you were into guys at first, but then I heard you talking with your friends and got the confirmation. So…is it a yes?” 

“You knew I like you then,” Chanyeol said, pouting. “It isn’t nice to eavesdrop!” 

“I didn’t!” the coach blurted out, blinking furiously. “I just…I was behind the door when you talked about it, that’s all. I swear!” 

Chanyeol ducked his head and smiled a little. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Yifan repeated. 

“Yes I want to go on a date with you.” Chanyeol answered shyly, rubbing his nape. “If the offer is still on.”

Yifan beamed at him. “Of course!”  

Yifan invited Chanyeol for dinner at a small Italian restaurant that night, and if the younger had found him charming before as a coach, it was nothing compared to the way Yifan acted with him as a  _ boyfriend _ . He was nice, patient and funny too, making sure Chanyeol felt comfortable and was having fun. A true gentleman. He didn’t kiss Chanyeol that night, he just hugged him and made sure he got home safely. Chanyeol went home feeling ecstatic and giggly, his cheeks hurting because he smiled too much.  

Chanyeol thought it wouldn’t be serious between them, knowing Yifan was older and more experienced. He would soon want someone better, he reasoned. He was wrong though, because they weren’t only fooling around. Yifan was serious about him. He brought Chanyeol on dates at the restaurant, the cinema, the arcade, basketball matches, or amusement parks. Yifan was an amazing boyfriend and Chanyeol easily fell for the man. His friends were making fun of him and his giggly self but they were still happy he found someone who truly cared for him. Yifan even met Chanyeol’s parents three months into their relationship. 

They already knew Chanyeol liked guys since the beginning. He couldn’t lie to them and had always been truthful with them. Obviously, they had taken the news as every overprotective parent would: not bad but not well either. They gave him the cold shoulder for about three weeks, not knowing how to react to the big news. Three long and painful weeks of awkward dinners, and implicit questions about his sexuality. Chanyeol had really been scared they wouldn’t be able to accept him at the time. Terrified to face them, he had resorted to crash at Jongdae’s for a while and that seemed to do the trick. His mother came knocking on Jongdae’s door and begged Chanyeol to  _ please go home _ . Apparently his family thought he would run away or something and they even went as far as imagining him ending up drugged or dead in a ditch.  _ Faith? What is faith? _

Anyway, his parents—with the help of Chanyeol’s big sister, Yura—learnt to accept it, slowly getting used to the idea of their son liking men. They were mostly worried about him and his future, about his well-being and his still naïve heart. Chanyeol understood it better as he grew older. When Chanyeol announced he had a boyfriend, his parents exchanged worried looks and he got mad. He had thought they were over his sexuality already and that now they were fine with it but obviously they weren’t. His sister came to the rescue and explained to him that  _ knowing your son liked men _ and  _ knowing your son was dating a man _ were two different things. Yura asked Chanyeol to be patient and understanding and promised him that they would come around. 

She was right. Thankfully, his parents didn’t make a fuss this time. They only asked Chanyeol not to bring Yifan home to spend the night. Chanyeol still remembered this embarrassing conversation. He had blushed madly and had nodded furiously. Hell, he wouldn’t even  _ kiss _ Yifan in his house. Truthfully speaking, Chanyeol knew he was lucky his parents loved him and were open-minded about it, even if it took some time for them to fully accept it. He didn’t want to imagine his life if it had turned badly.   

Yifan was his first  _ real _ kiss, first make out session, and also his first time having sex, considering Chanyeol had never been with anyone before—Krystal being his first and only kiss. Chanyeol was shy at first, not knowing how to act around his boyfriend when it was only the two of them. Yifan was far more experienced than him and Chanyeol had seen the way he looked at him. Yifan wanted him. There was desire in his eyes when Chanyeol dressed up for a date—in that tight jeans that made his ass look good or that shirt which enhanced his biceps and chest—or when he undressed to change or to make himself comfortable after classes. 

Sadly, Yifan never made a move on him. He waited until Chanyeol was the one who practically jumped him for a make out session before asking him what he was waiting for to have sex with him. Yifan had replied he had been waiting for explicit permission, with words, not just shameless grinding on his lap. Chanyeol could only blink, stunned into silence. How could he land such an amazing boyfriend? He had also felt a little embarrassed for all the time he had probably made Yifan crazy with want by touching him and purring and moaning as they kissed and  _ oh my god _ he acted like a tease in the past few weeks now. 

Yifan was sure a patient man. But as patient as he was, once Chanyeol made it clear that he was ready, he decided to stop waiting and undressed Chanyeol as fast as he could before laying him down on the mattress to worship his body. It wasn’t the first time they saw each other naked, they had taken showers together before, but it was different. Chanyeol’s heartbeat sped up in anticipation as Yifan’s mouth travelled from his face to his ankles. His boyfriend didn’t leave a patch of skin untouched, be it with his hands, his fingers or his lips. 

Chanyeol’s first blowjob was kind of amazing too, even if he came too soon and all over Yifan’s face without meaning to. His boyfriend only grinned, arching his eyebrow and Chanyeol pinked, hiding his face behind his hands and trying to curl up.  _ So embarrassing _ . Yifan chuckled and kissed his shoulder tenderly, coaxing him until he stopped hiding. “It was your first blowjob, right?”

“Yeah…” Chanyeol mumbled, mortified.

“Don’t worry,” his boyfriend reassured him. “It’s normal.”

“What about you?” Chanyeol timidly asked, eyeing Yifan’s obvious erection. 

Shrugging, he settled besides Chanyeol, pushing away the strands of hair that fell onto his forehead. “It’s fine.” 

“Do you want me to…?” Chanyeol offered.

“No,” Yifan shook his head. “You don’t have to.”

“What if…” Chanyeol started, licking his lips. “What if I want to do it?”

Smiling, Yifan nodded. “Then be my guest.”

Despite his daring words, Chanyeol was nervous. He had never touched someone else’s dick before. Taking a big gulp of air, Chanyeol turned to his side, facing Yifan. Only their knees were touching. His boyfriend smiled at him reassuringly and slotted their mouth together to give Chanyeol strength. Relaxing in the kiss, Chanyeol cupped Yifan’s cheek, caressing it slowly and marveling at the softness of his skin. Yifan’s skin was flawless and his boyfriend always smelt good. 

Chanyeol then trailed his hand down Yifan’s chest until it reached his hard on, wrapping his fingers around it firmly. Yifan hissed against his mouth at the touch, and Chanyeol smiled. He started moving his hand, pumping his boyfriend’s cock steadily as they kissed languidly. Yifan pulled away with a gasp when his breathing quickened, his eyes falling shut as his hips bucked up to meet Chanyeol’s hand. Chanyeol’s eyes widened as he stared in awe at Yifan’s expression. He was the one doing that to his boyfriend. He couldn’t believe he was giving pleasure to someone who wasn’t himself for the first time in his life. It was such a great feeling. It boosted his confidence and Chanyeol looked down at his hand around his boyfriend’s cock with a focused look on his face, set on giving Yifan as much pleasure as he could. 

Spurred on by Yifan’s moans and groans, Chanyeol attached his lips to one perky nipple, suckling on it in earnest. Yifan’s whole body shivered and he threaded his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair, pulling him closer and urging him to continue. “Don’t stop,” he whispered. 

Chanyeol nodded and kept playing with Yifan’s nub, licking, sucking and biting it. Thumbing the slit of his boyfriend’s cockhead, Chanyeol’s free hand came to massage Yifan’s balls, rolling them in his palm as he sped up the pace. His hand was now wet with precum and the noise of his hand jerking Yifan’s cock off was filthy, but as dirty as it sounded it was strangely hot too. He also kind of wanted to take Yifan into his mouth but his boyfriend seemed to be close so he would have to try it next time. With a few more pumps, Chanyeol finally brought Yifan to completion, his boyfriend arching his back and coming all over his hand with a raw cry.

Chanyeol grinned widely, eyeing the white substance on his hand proudly. He thumbed the underside of Yifan’s cock and it twitched, his boyfriend hissing at the touch. Chanyeol bit his lips and pulled his hand away, pressing a light kiss to Yifan’s lips as he recovered from his orgasm. 

“Let’s take a shower?” Chanyeol inquired when Yifan opened his eyes again.

“I’m not finished with you.” Yifan smirked, throwing his leg on Chanyeol’s hips and pushing him onto his back to straddle him. 

Spluttering, Chanyeol blinked at him, “Wait- What?”      

“You’ve spent weeks wiggling your ass in front of my eyes.” Yifan replied seriously. “Do you know how many times I had to will my boner away because of you?” he continued, pecking Chanyeol once. “You’re a tease Park Chanyeol and now you need to take responsibility.” 

Gulping slightly at the intensity of Yifan’s gaze, Chanyeol nearly whimpered. His boyfriend was too sexy for his own good with his hair in disarray, his smirk, and his deep voice. It also didn’t help that he had come all over his cock and stomach and that his skin was shining with sweat because of Chanyeol’s ministrations. Oh my god. Chanyeol just wished Yifan would hurry the fuck up and get in him already. 

His boyfriend seemed to read his thoughts because he quickly bent down to take Chanyeol’s lower lip between his teeth, biting it, then nibbling on it afterwards. “Can I have you? All of you?” 

Inhaling sharply, Chanyeol nodded eagerly, his hands gripping Yifan’s hips. “Yes, please.” 

Yifan smiled and pressed a kiss to his nose before reaching for the lube and condoms in the nightstand. Chanyeol’s legs easily fell open to accommodate Yifan’s body between them and he watched, entranced, as Yifan coated his fingers with lube. His throat became dry when Yifan’s fingers prodded at his entrance, circling his rim before pushing one finger into him. Chanyeol tensed up slightly, the feeling of someone else’s finger up his ass foreign. He had fingered himself plenty of times before but it was different. Yifan’s other hand caressed his thigh to appease him as he pushed his finger deeper into Chanyeol’s body. Chanyeol closed his eyes and willed his body to relax, spreading his legs wider. 

His cheeks flamed red when he opened his eyes again, his gaze meeting Yifan’s hungry one. Chanyeol’s cock came to life at the sight and he moaned softly. “You’re so hot,” Yifan stated hoarsely.  He pulled his finger away and spread more lube onto Chanyeol’s hole, only to push back two fingers into him afterwards. The slide was easier with the lube and Chanyeol grunted at the stretch as Yifan worked him open, making scissoring motions and pushing his fingers knuckles deep. Three fingers in and it started to feel really good, Chanyeol now fucking himself eagerly on Yifan’s fingers. 

He knew Yifan was making sure not to brush his prostate too soon and as frustrating as it was, Chanyeol knew he could come immediately if the elder did. Yifan seemed to want to drag things out for their first time and Chanyeol was okay with it—even though it was pure torture for him. He was used to quickies when he was pleasuring himself but it was a nice change. Besides, it was way better with a partner. 

With patience, Yifan eased a fourth finger inside Chanyeol. At this point, Chanyeol was reduced into a delirious and sweating mess, mumbling incoherent things and gripping the sheet until his knuckles turned white. Yifan’s cock was hard again, standing proud against his stomach and Chanyeol kept eyeing it. He couldn’t wait to feel it inside of him. He moaned at the thought and Yifan chuckled, pushing his fingers in and out of Chanyeol’s body in a steady pace. 

“Come on,” Chanyeol whimpered, his body trembling. “Get in me.”

Yifan hesitated only for a second before pulling his fingers out of Chanyeol’s body, wiping them on the sheet. He took his time rolling the condom on his length, mindful of Chanyeol’s scrutinizing look and took in the sight of his boyfriend all spread out for him with his chest heaving. Licking his lips, he spread more lube on his covered cock and Chanyeol rolled his eyes. As sweet as it was, Chanyeol knew he could take it  _ thank you very much _ . An amused smile tugged up at Yifan’s lips and he bent down to kiss Chanyeol’s mouth sweetly.

“Ready?” he whispered, dragging his cock against Chanyeol’s hole teasingly. 

Chanyeol whined low in his throat, “Stop teasing!”      

Yifan smirked, holding his cock with one hand and guiding it to his boyfriend’s ass. He bumped the head against his boyfriend’s rim without pushing in and Chanyeol groaned, wrapping his arms around Yifan’s neck to bring him closer. When Yifan finally slid in, Chanyeol’s mouth opened in a silent scream, his back arching off the bed as he dug his nails in Yifan’s back. Yifan’s face contorted in pleasure as he pushed in, stopping only when he was balls deep. Chanyeol’s body was tensed all over so Yifan distracted him with a passionate kiss, supporting himself on his elbow, his free hand caressing Chanyeol’s side tenderly. 

“Okay?” he asked after a while. 

Chanyeol nodded, wrapping his legs around Yifan’s waist and hugging him close. Yifan was trying hard not to move but Chanyeol’s walls were squeezing him so tight it was nearly unbearable. Watching Chanyeol’s face closely for any sign of discomfort or hurt, Yifan pulled out slowly before ramming back in. They moaned in tandem and Chanyeol tightened his hold on Yifan, the pleasure shooting down his spine. It truly felt like they were being one, Yifan snapping his hips into him and going deeper and deeper. 

Getting tired of the position, Yifan pulled away from Chanyeol’s hold and knelt between his spread legs, holding them up as he fucked into him with more force. Chanyeol couldn’t do much but lie down as his boyfriend’s cock thrusted in and out of his hole at a fast pace. When Yifan finally angled his body to brush Chanyeol’s spot, Chanyeol moaned loudly, his body tensing at the intense pleasure he received. Yifan smiled proudly, making sure to hit that spot again and again as Chanyeol sobbed underneath him.

Knowing he was close, Chanyeol reached down to touch himself but Yifan batted his hand away, frowning down at him. Chanyeol whimpered, his eyes strangely wet and his whole body shivering. Biting his lips, Yifan wrapped his hand around his boyfriend’s hard on and pumped him in time with his thrusts. He wanted to be the one to make Chanyeol come. He would rather have Chanyeol come untouched but his boyfriend seemed too impatient today, so it would have to wait. 

The sound of skin slapping on skin and their moans were filling the room and Chanyeol was glad they had decided to meet at Yifan’s place. At least he could be as loud as he wanted here, without worrying that his family would hear him getting his brain fucked out by his boyfriend. His parents had maybe gotten used to the idea of them sleeping together on Chanyeol’s bed when their son asked, since they were getting serious, but knowing and hearing  _ it _ were two different things altogether. 

Yifan rolled his hips expertly a few more times, hitting Chanyeol’s sweet spot dead on and Chanyeol cried out, coming hard on Yifan’s hand and on his own stomach for the second time that day. Yifan kept fucking him hard and fast, looking down at Chanyeol’s debauched expression and gripping his hips to keep him in place until he came too. Slumping down against Chanyeol, he then pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips before pulling out carefully. Chanyeol’s legs fell back on the mattress and he winced. He felt sore all over. 

Discarding the used condom, Yifan stood up to throw it in the trashcan before lying back down beside his boyfriend as they regained their regular breathing. 

“I’m exhausted,” Chanyeol rasped. 

Yifan chuckled. “We’ll have to work on your endurance.” 

Chanyeol glared at him but didn’t contradict him. “It was good.” 

“Yeah?” Yifan whispered. “I’m glad.” He rolled over and stared at Chanyeol’s blissed out face with a smile. Then, he petted his boyfriend’s hair, urging him to turn his head to steal himself a kiss. “I really like you, Chanyeol.” 

“The famous after sex line.” Chanyeol grinned. “I like you too,” he quickly added when he saw Yifan’s face fell. “I was only joking.”      

 

Chanyeol spent the next six months being blissfully happy and content with his life. 

 

Things started to change at the end of their third year of high school. Sehun and Hani broke up. The first thing Chanyeol did in the morning was to seek Sehun out, casually walking towards him with a smile. 

“Hi,” he greeted him. “Let’s hang out after school, yeah?”

Sehun offered him a grateful smile and let his head fall on his shoulder with a shaky sigh. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

Chanyeol grinned affectionately and petted his hair, not minding the weird glances it got them from the school population. Sehun needed him and that was all that mattered. At Chanyeol’s surprise, Jongin also approached them before going to class, offering to hang out too. He looked nervous and unsure, covering under Chanyeol and Sehun’s surprised gazes until they nodded in tandem. Jongin smiled then, wide and honest, and left them with a cheerful “ _ see you later!” _

They met at Sehun’s house after class, playing videogames and roughhousing on Sehun’s king sized bed until their cheeks and stomachs hurt from smiling and laughing. 

“Thank you,” Sehun whispered quietly when they calmed down, sandwiched between his friends as they all lay side by side on the mattress. “I needed that.” 

Chanyeol chuckled and ruffled his hair, ignoring Sehun’s weak protests as Jongin snorted, rolling his eyes at their childish antics. 

Chanyeol and Jongin left Sehun’s house together that night, walking in silence. It had been so long since they spent time together that Chanyeol didn’t know what to say or how to act. He wondered if Jongin felt the same, or if he was the only one freaking out internally about the silence. They never really talked, just the two of them, but it wasn’t awkward usually. 

“He looked better than he did this morning,” Chanyeol commented. 

Jongin hummed. “He’ll get through it.”

Biting his lips, Chanyeol searched for something more to say. “So, uh, how is dancing?” 

The younger shrugged, but sent him a surprised look at the mention of his passion. “Good, we’re rehearsing for the Christmas stage.” 

“I know,” Chanyeol smiled. “I’m sure you’ll be great, as always.”

Jongin didn’t reply immediately, looking deep in thought when Chanyeol stared. 

“I know you’ve come to all my shows,” he finally said, avoiding Chanyeol’s eyes. “Thank you.”

Chuckling, Chanyeol jumped forward, and started walking backwards to see his face. “That’s what friends are for!” 

Jongin offered him a shy smile, ducking his head. “Yeah.”      

 

Chanyeol developed a new pattern then, as he had to divide his time between his classes, Yifan, his basketball team, Jongdae and the guys, and now Sehun and Jongin too. It became harder and harder to find time for his team or Yifan now that he met Sehun and Jongin regularly after classes. Chanyeol knew he had to talk to Yifan about Sehun and Jongin, and to his friends about his boyfriend but he didn’t know how. He didn’t want his boyfriend to feel like he was less important than Chanyeol’s childhood friends, and he didn’t know how to tell Sehun and Jongin that he was gay. 

Yifan’s patience reached its limit sooner than Chanyeol expected and they finally decided to break up. Chanyeol’s heart hurt a lot and, before leaving after their final goodbye kiss, he broke down into Yifan’s arms, but it was for the best for the both of them. Yifan was busy with his last year of university and Chanyeol with classes, basketball and friends and their schedules always clashed. Chanyeol knew he should have said no to Sehun and Jongin to spend more time with his boyfriend but he just couldn’t. He was so happy to have them back in his life that he forgot about everything else—including his love life. He didn’t regret it though, Sehun and Jongin would always be his priority.

The following week of his break up, Chanyeol didn’t meet any of his friends outside of high school and he didn’t go to practice. He only went to Sehun’s house on Friday night because it was movie night. Sehun looked like he wanted to ask something but he would think better of it, only shaking his head and smiling at him instead. Jongin stared at him weirdly but didn’t say anything too, and for that Chanyeol was glad. He knew he looked like shit but he really didn’t want to explain himself. 

Chanyeol felt gloomy for days; he didn’t smile as much, didn’t want to eat or talk or go out with his friends. He only wanted to sleep the sadness away. He was miserable. It was stupid because he had made his own choices and he should have tried harder to keep Yifan by his side if he couldn’t live without him. But it was too late. He should have realized it earlier. He had chosen his friendship with Sehun and Jongin over Yifan and now he had to pay the price. 

Jongdae was mad at him too, disappointed that he had sabotaged his love life for his childhood friends who didn’t care about him a few months ago. Chanyeol could only duck his head and try to keep the tears at bay. 

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae finally said, his gaze softening. “I shouldn’t yell at you.”

“I deserve it,” Chanyeol mumbled, hiding his face in the collar of his sweatshirt. “You’re right.”

His friend put a comforting hand on his shoulder and rubbed his back to appease him. “You did what you thought was right. Don’t regret it now.” 

Chanyeol sniffled, wrapping his arms around his legs. “I don’t. I…I just miss him.” 

Jongdae sighed. “I know.” 

“Do you think I broke his heart?” Chanyeol inquired softly, biting his lips. “Yifan told me he loved me when we broke up.” 

“I don’t know,” his best friend replied honestly. “But I think you broke your own heart.” He threaded his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair and massaged his skull gently. 

Looking up, Chanyeol looked pained. “I cared for Yifan, but I don’t think I was in love with him.” 

Jongdae appeared thoughtful. “Did you tell him?” 

Chanyeol hesitated. “Not really,” he whispered. “But I think he knew.” Sniffling loudly, he wiped his eyes with his wrist and offered a small smile to Jongdae. “Maybe it was for the best. We weren’t meant to be.”

“He was good for you, and he was your first but he won’t be your last, okay?” Jongdae reasoned. 

“You sound like an old man. You’re too young to say these kinds of shit.” Chanyeol teased him.

Rolling his eyes, Jongdae hit his shoulder. “I’m a love guru. Don’t laugh!” he whined, glaring at him.

Chanyeol chuckled, shaking his head at his best friend’s antics. “If you say so.” 

Jongdae smiled, reassured to see Chanyeol’s smile after so many days. He ruffled his hair, Chanyeol groaning and battling his hands away. “I think you should tell your friends, you know. About Yifan and you. They’re your childhood friends, right? They should be there for you.” Jongdae commented. “You ran to help Jongin when he hurt himself and you did the same when Sehun broke up. It’s your turn to be taken care of.” 

“H-How do you know?” Chanyeol stuttered, stunned. 

Jongdae shrugged. “I’m not stupid.”  He hesitated. “They still don’t know you’re gay?” 

Chanyeol lowered his head. “No. I don’t know how to tell them.”

Sighing, Jongdae bumped their shoulders together. “This Jongin, do you still like him?” 

“What do you mean?” he spluttered, his eyes widening. 

“I know you had a crush on him, before Yifan came into the picture. You were always watching him.” Jongdae replied, arching his eyebrow. “So, do you like him?”

Fidgeting, Chanyeol avoided his eyes and stared at the floor of his room, feeling self-conscious. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Jongin and I…our relationship is weird.” 

Jongdae didn’t seem satisfied with his answer but he dropped the subject for now. 

 

The next movie night at Sehun’s place was less awkward. His friends stopped looking at him like he had grown a second head and Chanyeol felt at ease. His heart still hurt but he was feeling way better after his little talk with Jongdae. He had made a choice, now he had to accept it and move on. 

“You looked better than you had in weeks,” Sehun remarked. “I’m glad, I was worried.”

Chanyeol tensed and looked up from his phone at the comment. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m fine now.”

Jongin picked a handful of chips and ate them nosily, watching him closely. He looked pensive, his head tilted to the side as he stared at Chanyeol. It made Chanyeol uncomfortable. “What?” he sighed.

Startled, Jongin frowned. “Nothing,” he muttered. 

Sehun put their beers on the table and squeezed in next to Chanyeol, snuggling closer. “You’re comfy.” 

“I’m not a girl.” Chanyeol snorted.

“Believe me, I know.” Sehun smirked, eyeing his flat chest.

Chanyeol chuckled, nudging him. “Pervert!” When his gaze fell on Jongin, the latter’s eyes were still on him. Sending him a questioning look, Chanyeol waited but his friend shook his head, waving him off, and looked away with a small smile, leaving Chanyeol confused. 

Oblivious to the exchange, Sehun let his head drop on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Before the movie begins, I want to ask you something.” 

Humming, Chanyeol waited for him to talk, looking down at his face. 

“Could you introduce me to girls?” Sehun requested, blinking cutely. “You must know lots of girls since you’re in the basketball team.” 

Gawping, Chanyeol stuttered. “Not really.” 

“Come on, help a friend out!” Sehun pouted. “What? You’re afraid I’ll steal your girl?”

Chanyeol rubbed his nape anxiously, not knowing how to respond. “It’s not that.” he shot back. “I really don’t know…girls.” 

Frowning, Sehun sent him a surprised look. “You don’t talk to girls at all?” he asked. When Chanyeol shook his head, he groaned. “Man, you’re worse than Jongin!” 

Jongin rolled his eyes at that, avoiding Chanyeol’s curious glance when he turned his attention to him. “Really?” Chanyeol said awkwardly.

“You’re useless, both of you.” Sehun snorted. “I don’t want to stay single…I’m going crazy.”

Looking down at his lap, Chanyeol could only think of Yifan and how nice it had been to lie in his embrace. “I’m gay,” he announced suddenly, interrupting Sehun’s complaints. He didn’t know what came over him but he let it slip. There was a hush and Chanyeol finally realized what he had said. 

“It explains a lot,” Sehun said casually. “You should have said it earlier before I embarrassed myself and asked  _ you _ about  _ girls _ .”

Chanyeol let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t know when would be the right time.” He glanced at Jongin, noticing he had stayed silent. His friend’s face was unreadable but he wasn’t leaving or looking disgusted so Chanyeol took it as a good sign. 

Sehun poked him in the cheek to gain his attention. “So, boyfriend?” 

Chanyeol shook his head. “We broke up, three weeks ago.”

“Oh, that’s why you looked like shit all this time.” Sehun grimaced. “You should have told us.” 

Shrugging, Chanyeol looked down at his lap. “It doesn’t matter,” he said weakly. 

A pinch made him hiss and look up. “Ouch!” 

“Don’t say stupid things! Of course it matters.” Sehun snapped, visibly annoyed. “We’re friends, right?” 

Chanyeol faltered, biting his lips. “Y-Yeah.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Chanyeol mentally winced.

“Wow, you look really convincing.” his friend deadpanned, standing up. “I’ll go get more chips.”

Sighing, Chanyeol followed Sehun’s figure as he exited the room. His friend was upset. Chanyeol tried a glance in Jongin’s direction, seeing his friend looking right back at him. 

“I think he’s mad at me now,” he mumbled guiltily. 

“No,” Jongin said. “He’s mad at himself.” 

“What? Why?” Chanyeol inquired. 

“He realized we had been shitty friends.” Jongin explained, biting his lips.   

Chanyeol’s heart stopped at the “we”. Jongin had used “we”, not “he”. It meant he felt bad too and somehow the thought was pleasing. It was one of the rare times when Jongin acknowledged their friendship. A silly smile tugged at Chanyeol’s lips and he resisted the urge to giggle. 

Sehun came back and snuggled back into Chanyeol’s arms, tightening his grip on him childishly. 

“We watch the movie, and after that I want to know everything.” Sehun requested. “Everything,” he repeated somberly.

Smiling fondly, he ruffled Sehun’s hair, ignoring Jongin’s burning stare on the side of his face. 

 

Chanyeol ended up explaining everything to them, from his struggles because of his newfound sexuality, to coming out to his parents and friends and also his relationship with Yifan. Sehun gawped at him, his eyes never leaving his face as Chanyeol talked and talked. He didn’t stop, fearing he would stutter and embarrass himself. He ignored Jongin’s eyes on him too, too nervous to look at him. Of course he didn’t tell them  _ everything _ , he didn’t talk about his crush on Jongin for example or he didn’t go in details about his relationship with his ex-boyfriend. 

“So,” Sehun asked when he finished. “Yifan was your first boyfriend?” 

Chanyeol nodded. “Yeah, first boyfriend.”

“First kiss too?” Sehun continued, curling up on the couch.

Jongin snorted, speaking for the first time after Chanyeol’s revelation. “Krystal was his first kiss, idiot.” 

Sehun pouted, sending him a glare. “I didn’t remember, okay.” he mumbled.

Their usual bicker made Chanyeol smile. He was surprised Jongin would remember his first kiss though. He had always thought Jongin didn’t care much about him. 

“But he was my first kiss with a man.” he replied.  

“How is it like?” Sehun smirked. “You know, to kiss a guy.”

“Why don’t you try it?” Chanyeol chuckled. “I can’t describe it, it’s like kissing a girl for you I guess.” He paused, deep in thoughts. “It’s nice when you like the person you’re kissing. My first kiss with Krystal didn’t leave me with a good impression in comparison. If it helps.”

Sehun hummed, rubbing his cheek. “I think I know what you mean.” 

He looked sad so Chanyeol deducted he was thinking about Hani. 

“When was your first kiss, Jongin?” Sehun questioned suddenly, turning his head to Jongin. “You’ve never told me.”

Chanyeol was stunned. Sehun didn’t know about Jongin’s love life? He always thought Jongin shared those things with Sehun. He knew Jongin wouldn’t tell him because they weren’t as close and Jongin was the secretive type but Sehun not knowing was strange. 

Jongin groaned, ducking his head. “I have nothing to tell.”  

“Come on, don’t be a dick!” Sehun whined, standing up to take Jongin’s head in a headlock. “Tell us, don’t be shy!”

Jongin struggled to get free, cursing at his best friend. “Leave me the hell alone! I won’t tell you.”

Sehun kept bothering him, sending an evil smile in Chanyeol’s direction. “Could it be that you never kissed anyone?” 

“Drop it,” Jongin sighed, not contradicting him. 

Chanyeol noticed he looked uncomfortable, a light blush dusting his cheeks. He wondered if Sehun was right. Chanyeol had never seen Jongin close to anyone in a romantic way before, men or women. He always kept skinship to a minimum too. But Chanyeol wasn’t one to judge, they didn’t know he was gay until he told them after all. If Jongin wanted to keep it secret then they had to respect his decision.

“Sehun, leave it,” he smiled. “If Jongin doesn’t want to tell us, then it’s fine.” 

Sighing, Sehun nodded and came back to sit on the couch next to Chanyeol. “You’re no fun.” 

“It’s not because you like to talk about your love life that everyone does,” Jongin snapped, annoyed. 

Rolling his eyes, Sehun glared at him. “Whatever. So Chanyeol, since  _ you _ actually share your secrets with your friends, how was sex?” 

Blushing, Chanyeol spluttered. “W-What?”

“How does it work?” his friend shrugged. “I’m curious. Come on, spill!”

Clearing his throat, Chanyeol rubbed the back of his neck. “What do you want me to say? It’s…sex. I guess.” 

Sehun didn’t look convinced but didn’t ask more, noticing his discomfort.    

 

Upon Sehun’s request, Chanyeol decided to organize a meeting between his childhood friends and his friends from his basketball team. Jongdae looked excited to finally meet Sehun and Jongin and Chanyeol was relieved. He didn’t want his best friend to think badly of Sehun and Jongin only because of what Chanyeol had said—or hadn’t said—about them. Jongdae still hadn’t met them after all. Chanyeol supposed it was a good opportunity to reconcile Jongdae with them. 

Chanyeol’s parents and his sister were at his aunt’s for the weekend so he and his friends would have the house for themselves. He had asked his friends to bring their sleeping bag and Chanyeol had taken his mattress to lay it on the floor of the living room so they could all sleep together. It was like a pajamas party somehow. But for guys. Chanyeol had sneaked in beers too, even though they weren’t all legal yet. He knew it would be no big deal since he trusted them all not to do stupid things.

He was used to going out and partying with his team so he knew no one would go crazy and drink their ass off to the point of getting sick. He only ever did sleepovers with Sehun and Jongin but they didn’t seem to be the type to drink a lot either so Chanyeol wasn’t worried. He was really happy to reunite with all his friends and he hoped they would have a good time together. 

Jongdae was the first one to show up at 8 o’clock. He looked ecstatic, ranting to Chanyeol about what they should do to have fun. He had also brought movies in case they wanted to chill. Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Junmyeon arrived soon after, followed by Sehun and Jongin. The introduction went well and Jongdae seemed to hit it off pretty well with Sehun so Chanyeol was less nervous about them not getting along. He just hoped they wouldn’t become too close and gang up on him. 

They started easy. They decided to watch an action movie to relax, eating pizza and drinking beer while throwing in some comments. From left to right, Chanyeol, Jongin, Sehun and Jongdae were sitting on the couch while Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Junmyeon were sitting at their feet on the mattress settled on the floor.  They had played rock paper scissors to take the best seats of course. Jongdae, Sehun and Baekhyun were the ones commenting the movie, snickering and joking together as Junmyeon tried to shut them up without success, Kyungsoo patting his shoulder sympathetically and shushing him. 

Jongin was strangely quiet next to Chanyeol, his hands neatly folded on his lap and his eyes on the screen. Chanyeol tried not to move too much, not wanting to jostle him but it had proven to be a difficult task since it was a close fit on the couch. His body and Jongin’s were glued together from shoulders to knees and it was uncomfortable for Chanyeol. When he squirmed, trying to change his position, his elbow connected with Jongin’s ribs and the latter jumped. 

“Sorry,” Chanyeol mumbled, freezing. 

Jongin shook his head and offered him a smile. 

Chanyeol internally sighed, then relaxed, concentrating on the movie and trying to forget his close proximity with Jongin. 

After the movie, Baekhyun suggested they play games. They started with drinking games of course, to get into the mood and also because it was the only way some of them would let loose and start to speak. Like, actually speak about juicy stuff. After a few rounds or beer pong, Chanyeol could feel himself becoming tipsy and he knew he wasn’t the only one. Sehun was sprawled all over him.

“Soooo,” he slurred. “Who likes girls here?”

Chanyeol groaned. 

“What? I need someone to help me get a girlfriend.” Sehun pouted. “Jongdae? My new friend, please tell me you know a cute girl!”

“Yes, but the one I have in mind is for me!” Jongdae snickered. “Sorry, buddy.” 

“Liyin?” Chanyeol inquired, curious. “Are you guys dating now?”

“Soon, my friend! Soon!” his best friend beamed before gulping down another beer.

“Do you know her friends?” Sehun continued, persistent.

Jongdae chuckled. “I’ll see what I can do after we get together, I promise!”

“Thanks, you’re a true friend!” Sehun grinned. “Not like those two!” he added, pointing at Jongin and Chanyeol. 

“Well, Chanyeol can’t help you for obvious reasons…” Baekhyun butted in, smirking. 

Chanyeol rolled his eyes at him and his friend countered by sending him a flying kiss. 

“Hey, you guys have known for how long?” Sehun asked. 

“I was the first one to know,” Jongdae replied, looking pensive. “Chanyeol kinda freaked out when he was at my house and he told me.” 

“I was so scared he would throw me out,” Chanyeol sighed, shaking his head fondly at his best friend. “He only asked me if I had ever gotten a boner watching him change in the locker room…” 

They all laughed at that. 

“Did you?” Sehun tried, his mouth quirking up.

Surprised, Chanyeol’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Did you? You know, get a boner because of one of your friends,” he explained.

Holding his hands up, Chanyeol pushed his friend away with his shoulder. “I’m not answering that!” 

Sehun pouted, rubbing his shoulder. “Meanie.” 

Baekhyun cackled at them, a weird glint in his eyes. Chanyeol knew he wouldn’t like what he would say next.

“Hey, let’s play truth or dare!” he suggested, smiling widely. 

Sehun jumped on the occasion. “Yesss!” 

Chanyeol sighed loudly. They were all out to get him. He didn’t know if he would survive this night. They gathered on the mattress, sitting in a circle and decided the younger was to begin the game. Sehun giggled and pointed Chanyeol. 

“Truth or dare?” he asked, excited.

No way Chanyeol would choose truth. “Dare!”

Sehun pouted, disappointed before replying. “Take off one piece of clothing each time you choose dare!” 

Chanyeol gawped, feeling betrayed when all his friends laughed at his misery. Crap, he was doomed. He reluctantly took off his belt. “Baekhyun!” he called.

“Truth!” his friend answered, grinning. 

Chanyeol smirked. “Did you cheat that one time we played together to know who would clean the gymnasium?” 

Baekhyun looked taken aback, throwing furtive glances in Junmyeon’s direction. The latter was listening carefully, suddenly interested. “Y-Yes,” he mumbled. 

Junmyeon jumped on him and tried to strangle him, shaking him. “You fucker! I spent two hours cleaning it in your place!” Baekhyun was laughing and apologizing profusely at the same time. “I’m sorry, oh my god! Jun, don’t kill me! I swear I won’t do it again!”

Kyungsoo was the one to appease Junmyeon, sending a glare in Baekhyun’s direction. “Not cool, Baek.” 

“Come on, it wasn’t that serious.” Jongdae appeased them. “I’m sure Baek will return the favor.” 

Nodding eagerly, Baekhyun smiled sheepishly at Junmyeon. 

“Okay, next!” Chanyeol said, feeling a bit guilty. He didn’t want his friends to fight because of him. He just wanted to get back at Baekhyun.

The game went on and the next time it was Chanyeol’s turn—Sehun again—he had no other choices but to choose truth. 

“So, same question as before! Did you get a boner for one of us?” he singsonged. 

Exhaling sharply, Chanyeol hid behind his hands. “Yes.” 

“Who?” Sehun asked again.

“It’s only one question!” Chanyeol spluttered. 

Kyungsoo smiled. “He’s right!”

Sehun groaned. 

Since Sehun’s focus was on him, Chanyeol noticed Jongin hadn’t been chosen yet. He grinned and pointed to Jongin. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Jongin answered, looking worried. 

He didn’t have to. Chanyeol would go easy on him since he knew Jongin was shy around people he didn’t know. He didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. “What’s the next best thing in the world after dancing for you?” 

“Boring…” Sehun mumbled. 

“My dogs!” Jongin replied easily, grinning. He looked relieved. Chanyeol wanted to pat himself on the back for his good action. 

“Junmyeon,” Jongin called. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth!” he responded.  

Jongin bit his lips, embarrassed. “Would you be my math tutor even if I can’t pay you?” he stammered.

Junmyeon appeared surprised by the question at first but he nodded slowly. “Of course. If you want.”

“Thank you!” Jongin said, grateful. 

“Jongin spends more time dancing than studying so he’s falling behind in some classes.” Sehun explained helpfully, smiling fondly at his best friend. 

“You like dancing that much?” Baekhyun asked.

“Yes,” Jongin admitted shyly. “It’s my dream.” 

Jongdae whistled. “It’s cool! You must be good!” 

“That must be why Chanyeol goes to see you every time you’re performing.” Kyungsoo noted. “He ditched us a lot to see you dance.” 

Tensing, Chanyeol rubbed his nape. “He’s really good.” he said lamely.

Sehun sent him a confused look, his eyes darting from Jongin who was squirming under the sudden attention and Chanyeol looking uncomfortable with the subject.

Chanyeol cleared his throat. “Anyway, Jun, it’s your turn!” 

The subject was dropped and the game continued. 

When it was Chanyeol’s turn again, he had used up all his truths so he had no choice but to choose dare. He tried to act cool, smiling widely at his friends even though he was far from being relaxed. His team knew of his crush for Jongin so he was kind of scared one of them would slip. He also didn’t want to do anything too embarrassing with Sehun and Jongin in the same room. He didn’t know why but their opinion and their view on him always mattered more than anyone else’s.

Chanyeol had been at his worst in front of his team, mostly Jongdae, but he had never shown his true colors to Sehun or Jongin since they drifted apart. He didn’t know what they would think of him if he was his usual silly self. 

Baekhyun squinted at him, an evil smile tugging at his lips and Chanyeol knew he was up to no good. “Baek, don’t look at me like this. It’s scary,” he mumbled, taking another gulp of his beer. 

All eyes were on him, all of them trying to find a good idea for a dare. They were not far from being drunk now, so Chanyeol knew it was hopeless of him to wish for an easy dare. The rules forgotten, they all ganged up on the victim who was Chanyeol right now and it meant nothing good for him. Sehun was smirking behind his glass, waiting for the verdict while Jongin was quietly sipping on his beer, looking rather uninterested.  

“I’ve got one!” Jongdae said, smiling like a Cheshire cat. Chanyeol’s right eye twitched. 

“Before, he needs to take off something since he chose dare!” Sehun cut in. 

Chanyeol sighed and took off one sock. 

“Kiss the hottest guy in the room!” Jongdae snickered.

Baekhyun laughed at that, cheering. “He likes your ass, did you want a kiss from him that badly Kim Jongdae?” 

Jongdae spluttered, vehemently denying and Chanyeol mentally face palmed. Oh boy. He should have chosen better friends. “It’s not because there are no girls and that I’m the only gay person in the room that I should be kissing one of you,” he commented dryly, throwing a death glare in Jongdae’s direction. He knew what his best friend was doing. As sweet as the intention was, it was a very bad idea right now. 

“Come on,” Baekhyun defended him. “It’s only for fun.”

“Would you be okay if I kissed you?” Chanyeol inquired, arching his eyebrow. 

“Yeah. It’s no big deal. You’re my friend.” Baekhyun shrugged. 

“You say that because you aren’t into guys, isn’t it unfair?” Kyungsoo butted in, perplexed. “I don’t mind being kissed by Chanyeol because it won’t mean anything but still, isn’t it unfair to him?” 

Smiling softly, Chanyeol bumped his shoulder with Kyungsoo’s. “Thanks, Soo.”

“Am I the only one who would be uncomfortable to be kissed by a guy?” Junmyeon inquired softly, clearly confused. “No offense Chanyeol but…” he trailed off, frowning.

“Don’t worry, I won’t kiss you.” Chanyeol quickly replied, smiling at his friend.

Jongdae snorted. “Who would want to kiss you anyway…”

Chanyeol glared at his best friend. “Jongdae. Don’t be mean.” 

Pursing his lips, Jongdae sighed. “Sorry, Myeon.”

Junmyeon shook his head, rubbing his nape. “I get it.” 

“I like this dare, and I’m curious too,” Sehun stated, smiling cheekily. “If someone doesn’t want to participate, then he needs to say so, but if the others are okay with it we can still play, right?”

Baekhyun and Jongdae nodded, pleased. Chanyeol sent a betrayed look in Sehun’s direction. The latter only smiled back, winking at him.

“Okay,” Chanyeol said. “If you don’t want to be kissed, go sit on the couch.”

Junmyeon hesitated but didn’t get up when no one else did. Chanyeol felt bad, he didn’t want his friend to feel uncomfortable because of him. He would probably feel awkward if a girl was to kiss him too. 

“That’s settled then,” Baekhyun claimed, visibly excited.

“I’ll do it but I want all of you to close your eyes,” Chanyeol requested. “It’s embarrassing enough as it is.”

They all nodded and closed their eyes, waiting patiently. Chanyeol worried his lips and got on his knees, sliding on the floor until he was face to face with Jongin. He could have kissed Jongdae, it would have been easier. Or he could have kissed Baekhyun since he didn’t seem to mind—or he was too drunk to care. But he didn’t. If he was to be honest, it would probably be his sole chance of kissing Jongin so he had to take it. His friends knew it didn’t mean anything anyway, it was only a dare at 3AM at a sleepover between guys. Chanyeol had just to kiss the guy he found the most attractive and it was Jongin. That’s it. Only Jongdae knew his crush on Jongin was serious so his secret was safe.

With this last thought in mind, Chanyeol’s eyes inspected Jongin’s face, focusing on his lips. Jongin’s lips were nice looking, bitten red and full. Chanyeol had never wanted to taste them so much before. It seemed like they were calling out for him.  _ They aren’t, you just wish they are _ , his mind supplied unhelpfully. Annoyed, he shut down his brain. Chanyeol closed his eyes, bent down and pressed his mouth to Jongin’s. It was only a feather like kiss, soft and chaste, nothing more than a gentle press of lips. 

When he pulled away, Jongin’s eyes and mouth were wide open. His expression was a mix of confusion, surprise, anger and disappointment. Chanyeol didn’t know what to make of it but it felt like a nasty stab in his heart. There was an awkward silence, all his friends staring at them, waiting for a reaction. Jongin was frozen, his expression now unreadable as he lowered his gaze to his lap. Chanyeol cleared his throat and went back to his place between Kyungsoo and Sehun, avoiding looking at Jongin. “It’s done. Next.”

Jongdae quickly came to the rescue. “Yeah, so Kyungsoo, you didn’t play much, your turn.” 

Chanyeol sent a grateful glance in his best friend’s direction and Jongdae smiled. 

“Truth!” Kyungsoo chose. 

“What’s your most sensitive place?” Sehun asked, squinting at him.

“Oh, nice one!” Baekhyun commented.

Everyone’s attention now turned on Kyungsoo, Chanyeol’s shoulders relaxed. It was also the moment Jongin chose to get up, silently disappearing in the kitchen. Jongdae sent Chanyeol a questioning look and he frowned. Perhaps he should check up on him. Jongin appeared rather shocked by the kiss earlier, Chanyeol didn’t want him to be upset. 

Getting up, he padded to the kitchen where Jongin was, gulping down a glass of water. He hesitated by the door. “Everything’s fine?” he asked softly. 

“Yeah, I just need to cool down for a bit.” 

Jongin’s voice was lower, rougher. Chanyeol didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or something else. 

“Are you sure?” he insisted, biting his lips. “You’re not mad about the kiss right?”

There was a pause and Chanyeol’s stomach churned unpleasantly. 

“No, I’m not. Don’t worry,” Jongin replied simply, shrugging. “It was just a game, right?”

Chanyeol could only nod, not knowing what to say. Jongin finished his glass and passed by him to go back to the living room, leaving a lost Chanyeol behind. He hoped Jongin said the truth. He sent a quick text to Jongdae while he was still in the kitchen.  _ Jongin is acting weird??? What to do??? _ He went back to sit in the living room and avoided looking in Jongin’s direction. 

“Jongin!” Sehun nearly shouted. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” he answered, as usual. 

“Who was your first kiss?” his best friend inquired. 

“Sehun!” Chanyeol groaned. “What did I tell you last time? It’s none of your business.” 

Frowning, Sehun seemed upset. Chanyeol knew he would stomp his foot if he was standing. “But…He’s my best friend!” 

Shaking his head, Chanyeol didn’t reply. Jongdae sent him a curious look and Chanyeol only shrugged. He wasn’t mad, he just knew Jongin was shy and secretive. Chanyeol wouldn’t want to share this kind of things with strangers too. Even if they did get to know each other a little better tonight, it was still intrusive.

Jongin worried on his lips and finished his beer before answering. “Chanyeol,” he admitted softly.

There was an awkward silence in the room and Chanyeol’s eyes widened. 

“You’ve never had your first kiss before tonight or did you two hid something from me?” Sehun asked cautiously.

“We’re not dating!” they both shot back at the same time. They looked at each other, blushing slightly, before turning their head away. 

“Well, this is awkward…” Baekhyun remarked.

Chanyeol felt awful. He had stolen Jongin’s first kiss without knowing it and now he was sure Jongin would hate him even more. 

“Did you like it at least?” Sehun tried to lighten the mood. Jongin sent him a glare and his best friend covered. “Jeez, no need to get mad at me.” 

Clearing his throat, Jongdae stood up. “Maybe we should watch another movie?” 

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon were quick to agree, and they all got up to sit comfortably in front of the TV. Jongin hesitated before sitting next to Chanyeol and the latter felt even guiltier. In the end, he decided to sit on the mattress with the other three. It was probably for the best. 

 

Chanyeol didn’t know when it happened but he fell asleep during the movie. His neck hurt badly when he tried to sit up and he let out a pained groan as he rubbed it. Blinking sleepily, he noticed that Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Junmyeon were fast asleep on the mattress next to him. The TV was turned off and they were lying comfortably so Chanyeol supposed they didn’t fall asleep in front of the movie like he did. They could have woken him up at least. The crick in his neck was really painful. 

The couch wasn’t unfolded since Chanyeol had laid his head on it and he wondered where was Jongin. Sehun was also fast asleep on the couch with Jongdae but Jongin was not in the living room. Chanyeol slowly stood up, being careful not to jostle the mattress as to not wake up his friends and made his way to the kitchen. Jongin was sitting at the table, a steaming cup of tea between his hands. He looked spaced out, his eyes unfocused. 

“Hey!” Chanyeol whisper shouted. “Why are you still up?”

Jongin looked up, blinking a few times. “Oh, I couldn’t sleep.”

“They took all the space?” Chanyeol chuckled. 

His friend shook his head. “No, I just couldn’t fall asleep,” he shrugged. “Maybe because I drank too much.”

“Hn,” Chanyeol sat on the chair next to him. “You didn’t drink much though.”

“I don’t usually drink so…” Jongin trailed off, uncomfortable. 

Chanyeol pursed his lips. “Because of dancing, right?” 

Nodding, Jongin smiled softly. There was a small silence, not uncomfortable per se but Chanyeol got nervous anyway. He was still thinking about the kiss and felt guilty about it. 

“Hey, about earlier. The kiss. I’m sorry,” Chanyeol offered, looking Jongin in the eyes. “If I had known…”

Sighing, his friend bit his lip. “I didn’t want to tell you guys. Because it’s weird.” 

Chanyeol frowned. “Why?”

“Because you all had your first kiss, hell, yours happened in middle school! And here I am…Not having my first kiss at 18,” Jongin said dryly. “Well, now it’s done, I guess.”

Uneasy about Jongin’s tone, Chanyeol fidgeted. “I wish I could go back in time. First kiss is important. I feel really bad about it…”

“It’s fine,” Jongin smiled. “Really, I mean it, I didn’t say it to make you feel better.”

“But-”

“Chanyeol,” Jongin cut him off. “I haven’t liked anyone in years, probably never to be honest. I’ve also never thought of kissing anyone. It’s just a first kiss, no big deal.” 

“You say that now, but what if you fall in love and regret not giving your first kiss to this person?” Chanyeol mumbled. 

“Did you?” Jongin shot back.

Come to think about it, Chanyeol realized he didn’t regret it. Sure, his first kiss wasn’t that great and he didn’t even  _ like _ the girl but it was his choice. “No.” 

“You see,” Jongin arched his eyebrow. “It’s fine.” 

“Even if I’m a guy?” Chanyeol pressed. “Even if it’s…me?”

Jongin sent him a wary look. “I don’t care that you’re a guy, and what’s that supposed to mean ‘even if it’s me’?”

“We’re not that close?” Chanyeol tried cautiously. “Maybe it would have been better if it was Sehun at least?”

Jongin grimaced at that. “Gross. I don’t want Sehun’s mouth near mine. He’s like a brother.”

Chanyeol laughed a little at that. Looking down at the table, he hesitated. “What about me?” 

“It’s different.” Jongin replied. 

Chanyeol didn’t know what to make of it but didn’t ask for more. Somehow it sounded like a good thing that Jongin thought of him as different. His friend didn’t look disgusted or mad for the kiss. It lifted a weight from his shoulders. 

“You still don’t want to sleep?” Chanyeol inquired.

Jongin shook his head. 

Smiling, Chanyeol put his elbow on the table, resting his cheek against his palm. He wasn’t that tired either, maybe he could take this rare opportunity to chat with Jongin. There was a weird fluttering in his stomach at the prospect of sharing such a special moment with his friend. Jongin looked relaxed and content as he talked animatedly with Chanyeol for the next two hours. 

When they finally decided to sleep, they squeezed themselves on the mattress on the floor. There wasn’t much space but Jongin didn’t seem to care that he had to be glued to Chanyeol’s body. They were facing each other, their knees touching. Chanyeol could see Jongin’s eyelashes fluttering as they gazed into each other’s eyes. It was strangely intimate. The small huffs and puffs of air escaping Jongin’s lips hit Chanyeol’s mouth and he bit back a groan at their dangerous proximity. 

Jongin’s red lips were as inviting as ever and Chanyeol’s eyes flicked down to them. When he looked back up, Jongin’s eyes were hooded—with fatigue or something else, Chanyeol wasn’t sure. His friend closed his eyes briefly before sliding closer, their noses bumping together. Holding his breath, Chanyeol didn’t make a move as Jongin closed the remaining distance to capture his friend’s upper lip, Chanyeol’s mind shutting down when their lips touched.  _ Jongin was kissing him? _

His friend’s eyes were still open but he pressed his mouth harder against Chanyeol’s, slowly moving his lips against his to get a reaction. Startled, Chanyeol responded to the kiss, moving his own lips warily, afraid he would scare Jongin away. His right hand reached up to settle on Jongin’s hip, pulling him closer as his tongue darted out to lick Jongin’s tempting lips. Chanyeol was being careful, kissing Jongin leisurely, still confused as to why his friend was kissing him. He knew Jongin wasn’t drunk anymore and somehow it made him ever more nervous. 

Their lips stayed locked as they kissed slowly, Chanyeol not daring to deepen the exchange. He had never kissed someone that chastely for so long before. Truthfully, he hadn’t had that much experience. After his first kiss, he had only been with Yifan after all, but still, they had never kissed like  _ that _ with his ex-boyfriend. Yifan’s kisses were gentle but demanding, heated, possessive. 

When they started sleeping together, Chanyeol knew Yifan wanted more than a little make out session when he kissed him. It was also because of their amazing compatibility in bed. They just couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Chanyeol had been shy at first, but with a man like Yifan he couldn’t stay innocent and untouched very long—not that he minded. 

His first time had been great honestly, Yifan had taken care of him from beginning to end. Yifan was a good man and an amazing boyfriend, which was why it had been so hard to let him go. Chanyeol had been lucky his first relationship was with someone like Yifan. 

Jongin’s kisses were innocent, tentative, shy. Chanyeol liked it, because it was  _ very much _ Jongin. Chanyeol now knew he had stolen Jongin’s first kiss, and albeit feeling guilty about it since Jongin wasn’t exactly consenting, he was honored to be his friend’s first experience. Jongin wasn’t mad and he was kissing Chanyeol again on his own accord. It meant Chanyeol’s kiss hadn’t been traumatizing or awful for him. It was a huge relief. Chanyeol didn’t want to force himself on anyone.      

When they got too tired to kiss, they simply stopped, their face still touching. Chanyeol’s hand was rubbing circles on Jongin’s hip over his clothes, but Jongin wasn’t touching him at all, keeping his hands to himself. He made sure their bodies weren’t totally aligned either. Chanyeol was glad there was still some distance between them because he didn’t know what he would do if Jongin’s whole body was pressed against his. His dick was already stirring in interest and they were only  _ kissing _ with their mouths closed. Chanyeol didn’t want to risk scaring Jongin away with a boner thank you very much. 

They didn’t say anything until Jongin started to doze off. Chanyeol stayed awake to watch him sleep, brushing his hair away as Jongin slept peacefully. Chanyeol didn’t know why Jongin kissed him. Was he curious? Since Chanyeol kissed him first maybe he wanted more. Perhaps he was confused about the whole experience, or perhaps it was convenient that Chanyeol was there, liked boys, and had already kissed him. If Jongin was using him only because Chanyeol was willing, Chanyeol would be hurt and mad at his friend. Obviously, it would be a shitty move. But if there was a chance that Jongin liked the kiss, was just a little bit attracted to Chanyeol and wanted to try being together then Chanyeol would gladly accept. Even though it was dangerous for his heart. 

When Jongin curled up, shivering slightly, Chanyeol quickly got up to retrieve blankets from his room. He didn’t want any of them to be sick so he put them on his friends, before covering Jongin and himself with the last one. Once he was comfortably settled, Chanyeol shut his eyes and quickly fell asleep.  

 

It was the noise of pans that woke him up. Blinking his eyes tiredly, he suppressed a yawn and rubbed his face. He felt exhausted. He was sure he hadn’t slept much since he was the last one to go to sleep. Sitting up slowly, he noticed Jongin was still fast asleep, his back to him. Sehun wasn’t on the couch anymore, and Baekhyun and Kyungsoo weren’t there as well. Only Jongdae and Junmyeon were still dead to the world. Chanyeol bent down to look at Jongin’s face, the latter was buried under the blanket, only a mop of dark hair and his closed eyes still visible. He looked adorable, or maybe Chanyeol was biased.

Smiling softly, he stroked his hair softly before standing up. Chanyeol padded to the kitchen and offered a smile to his friends as he closed the door behind him. 

“Hi, did you sleep well?” he asked, walking to the coffee machine.

Baekhyun waved at him lazily. “Hey, not enough but yes.” 

“Your couch is comfortable!” Sehun piped up. “And Jongdae is a furnace so I slept really well.”

“I’m glad you found yourself a living heater,” Chanyeol snickered. 

Baekhyun smiled. “Jongdae is a cuddler.”

“He’s not the only one,” Sehun remarked, smirking at Chanyeol. 

Leaning against the counter, his friend arched his eyebrow, confused. “What?”  

“When I woke up, you looked cozy with Jongin. That’s all,” Sehun said. 

Uncomfortable under his friends’ gaze, Chanyeol rolled his eyes and turned around to hide his blushing face. Serving himself a cup of coffee, he then sat at the table, next to Kyungsoo who had been silent until now.

Chanyeol nudged him. “And you? Slept well?” 

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo replied with a small smile. “But I woke up a few times during the night,” he added, meeting Chanyeol’s eyes pointedly.

Biting his lip, Chanyeol looked away. Sehun seemed to sense the tension and he cleared his throat. 

“So, uh, did you go to sleep late?” he inquired, crossing his arms on his chest. 

Chanyeol nodded. “Around 6AM I think.”

“We went to sleep at 4 though!” Baekhyun spluttered. 

“I couldn’t sleep, Jongin too. So we talked,” he shrugged.

“With Jongin?” Sehun pursed his lips. “I see.” 

He looked pensive, watching Chanyeol’s every move. It was unnerving.  Fidgeting, Chanyeol was saved when Jongdae entered the kitchen. Scratching his tummy lazily—a habit of his, he dragged his feet before plopping down on Chanyeol’s lap. Chanyeol didn’t flinch, used to it, curling his arm around his waist. He couldn’t deny that his eyes had dropped down to his best friend’s naked skin and it was painful reminder that he really needed to get laid quickly. He hadn’t gotten any since his breakup with Yifan and he was kind of horny. 

“Please don’t pop a boner, I’m too lazy to move and I’m hungry,” Jongdae mumbled sleepily, his lips quirking up.

Groaning, Chanyeol looked away, embarrassed. His best friend knew him too well. “Won’t you let it go? It happened once! Only once!” 

“Excuse me but it was quite shocking to wake up to your dick poking my ass okay?”  Jongdae whined, pouting. 

Mortified, Chanyeol hid behind his free hand. “Jongdae!” 

Baekhyun snickered and Chanyeol glared at him. Kyungsoo looked unperturbed, used to his friends’ banter. Only Sehun looked…curious. 

“Did you guys…?” he inquired.

Jongdae widened his eyes, laughing in mischief. “No, we didn’t. I don’t mind kissing and cuddling him but no more.”

“As if I would want more…” Chanyeol muttered, pinching his best friend’s hip.

“Don’t lie,” Baekhyun smiled sweetly. 

Rolling his eyes, Chanyeol huffed. 

When the door opened for the third time, Junmyeon and Jongin came in. Junmyeon looked well rested, already smiling widely. “Good morning!” 

“Good morning,” they all replied in sync. 

“Ah, what a nice welcome!” Junmyeon chuckled. 

“Don’t get used to it,” Baekhyun shot back, offering his thigh for Junmyeon to sit on anyway. 

Jongin hovered close to the door, looking unsure as he waved at them. 

“Come sit on my lap, Jonginnie!” Sehun offered jokingly. 

“No, thanks,” Jongin deadpanned.

Jongdae laughed loudly. “Burn!” 

Pouting, Sehun threw his best friend a death glare. “Meanie.”

Kyungsoo stood up then, dropping his cup in the sink. “Take my chair, I’ll take a shower.” 

Jongin smiled, grateful. “Thanks.” 

“Did you sleep well?” Chanyeol asked him, looking intently at Jongin.

His friend nodded. “Very well.” 

“So, what did you two talk about last night?” Sehun cut in. “Chanyeol said you talked.”

Chanyeol shrugged, responding quickly. “Oh you know, everything and nothing.” 

Jongdae, who was sipping Chanyeol’s coffee, paused and sent him an incredulous look. Chanyeol stared back, squeezing his hip. Later, he meant. Jongdae seemed to understand, turning back around. 

“It sounds boring…” Sehun said dryly. 

“Yeah,” Chanyeol only smiled, sharing a look with Jongin. The later bit his lip, lost in thought but didn’t look away. Chanyeol took it as a good sign. Jongin didn’t act weird or uncomfortable. 

The conversation went on and they took turn taking a shower. They needed to tidy up since they planned to go out to get some fresh air afterwards.

 

Later in the day, Kyungsoo cornered him as they walked around in the city center. He grabbed his wrist and waited for them to be out of earshot. “I saw you and Jongin kissing,” he said without beating around the bush. 

Chanyeol sighed. “We did. Well, he did. Jongin kissed me.” 

“Why? Does he even like boys?” Kyungsoo frowned.

“Look, I don’t know,” Chanyeol replied, uneasy. “We talked a lot, then we went to sleep and he kissed me.”

“And you kissed him back,” Kyungsoo added.

“Yeah,” he nodded slowly. “I didn’t think much, I just…It was nice, okay.”

Kyungsoo looked worried. “I know you miss Yifan, and I know you’ve liked Jongin for a while but be careful okay?” he pressed. “I mean, maybe he’s just confused and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Lowering his gaze to the ground, Chanyeol’s shoulders slumped. “I know.” 

“You need to talk to him,” Kyungsoo advised. 

“I will, don’t worry,” he smiled, putting his arm around his friend. Hugging Kyungsoo against his side, he led him to the rest of the group.   

 

Chanyeol didn’t talk to Jongin. He couldn’t find a moment to talk to him without raising suspicion and Jongin didn’t try either. Jongin wasn’t awkward with him though, so Chanyeol wasn’t too worried. He just hoped Jongin didn’t kiss him in the spur of the moment and wanted to forget all about it now. If it was the case, well, Chanyeol couldn’t do anything about it, it was Jongin’s decision, but it would surely break his heart. 

At the end of the day, Jongdae was the only one who stayed. For a best friend’s night, he had said earlier. Chanyeol knew he wanted them to talk about what had happened with Jongin and after his discussion with Kyungsoo Chanyeol was thankful. He needed to rant to his best friend. 

They curled up on the couch, Chanyeol’s head resting on Jongdae’s thighs as he petted his hair. “Let me get this straight, you talked, only the two of you for the first time in years, then you kissed,” he stated. “I thought you said you weren’t close?”

“We aren’t”, Chanyeol whined. “That’s why it’s weird. I’ve always thought he hated me and that he was only tolerating me for Sehun’s sake.” 

“Chanyeol. He wouldn’t kiss you if he hated you,” Jongdae snorted.

“Okay, so maybe he didn’t hate me, but we never talked that much before and we’ve known each other for like fifteen years…” he mumbled. 

“But you like him,” Jongdae reasoned. 

Sighing, Chanyeol rubbed his cheek. “Yes.”

“Maybe he likes you too,” Jongdae said. “I mean, he doesn’t know you like him, right? What if all this time he thought you hated him too?”  

Chanyeol wondered. Could Jongin like him? It seemed impossible, from his point of view at least.  

“I don’t know,” he replied. 

Jongdae ruffled his hair and pushed him away, breaking the tension. “Let’s watch a movie!” 

 

In the following week, Chanyeol realized two things. One: he couldn’t stop thinking about Jongin and the kiss. Two: he didn’t have Jongin’s number and it sucked. He tried to stop thinking about Jongin but he couldn’t. Each time he closed his eyes, Chanyeol would be reminded of Jongin’s gaze that night, the taste of his lips and how good it had felt. He needed to see him, to talk to him or he would go crazy. 

Chanyeol had thought of asking Sehun for Jongin’s number but it would be too embarrassing and quite suspicious too. Sehun wouldn’t let him live it down if Chanyeol told him why he needed to talk to Jongin. So he did the next best thing, he waited for Jongin after his dance rehearsal. He looked at his friend through the transparent glass, marveling at the sight of his fluid movements and elegant dancing. He would never grow tired of seeing Jongin dance. 

Jongin caught sight of him after a spin and nearly toppled over. Chanyeol winced and waved at him. He saw Jongin talking with his friend, Taemin, and the latter nodded, continuing to dance while Jongin made his way to Chanyeol. He was breathing heavily, his whole body sweating, when he reached Chanyeol, looking at him curiously.

“Hey,” Chanyeol said.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jongin asked. 

“I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t have your number,” he explained, embarrassed. 

Jongin frowned. “Oh.” He looked around and motioned for Chanyeol to follow him to the locker room. He closed the door and sat on the bench. “Sorry if I smell,” he grimaced.

Chanyeol shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I’m sorry for disturbing you, but I didn’t know when would be the right time.” 

Jongin shrugged. “It’s fine.” 

Nodding, Chanyeol hesitated before sitting beside him. “I wanted to talk with you about…the other day. When we…you know.”

“The kiss?” Jongin asked tentatively. 

Chanyeol nodded. “Yes.”

Jongin blushed slightly. “Which one?” 

“When you kissed me,” Chanyeol replied. “On the mattress.”

“You kissed me back,” Jongin frowned, feeling defensive.

“I did,” Chanyeol admitted. “But you kissed me first, and I need to know why.” 

Jongin lowered his gaze to the ground. “I wanted to.”

Frowning, Chanyeol bit his lips. “You were curious? Is it because I stole your first kiss?” 

Jongin must have heard the hurt in his voice because he looked up quickly, alarmed. “No!” He paused. “Look, it’s true that I’ve never been kissed before but I didn’t kiss you because I was curious and you were there or something as stupid. Please, believe me.” His face softened. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Chanyeol sighed. “Okay. That’s good to know I guess.”

“I know it’s lame but I liked it when you kissed me. It was a small kiss but I liked it anyway,” he continued. “Then we talked, and it was really nice to talk to you. I felt comfortable. We’ve known each other for a long time but it was the first time we really talked, just the two of us. Before, it was always with Sehun.”

“I always thought you didn’t like me,” Chanyeol shrugged. “I tried to talk to you before, but you would shrug me off and ignore me, so I stopped.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongin mumbled. “I was jealous. I thought you wanted to be friends with Sehun only and that you wanted to steal my best friend.”

“I wanted to be friends with both of you,” Chanyeol confessed. “At first, I wanted to be friends with Sehun, that’s true. He was cute and nice and smiley and I wanted to be friends with him. But then, I met you too, and I understood that you were a package deal. Sehun and you.” 

“I was an ass back then,” Jongin grimaced.

“Truthfully, yes,” Chanyeol chuckled good-naturedly. “But I understand. You were scared I would steal Sehun away from you. If it had been me, I would have been jealous too.”

“Isn’t it stupid that we have never talked about it until now?” Jongin inquired. “If only we had talked about it…I mean, we’ve always thought we hated each other. It has been awkward for years between us, with Sehun in the middle.”  He shook his head. 

“I don’t know how Sehun could deal with us,” Chanyeol smiled. 

Smiling, Jongin let his head fall against the locker. “Me neither.” 

Chanyeol’s smile fell and he looked attentively at Jongin. His eyes followed the lines of his face, the arch of his neck where the sweat gathered, the curves of his shoulders, and down to his waist. Jongin’s tank top left nothing to the imagination and his ribs could be clearly seen. Chanyeol gulped. Even though Jongin was doing nothing out of the ordinary, the view was strangely arousing. His friend was just too sexy for his own good. Chanyeol was so doomed. 

“Jongin,” he called, getting serious. “Why did you kiss me?” 

“You looked like you wanted to kiss me,” he whispered, turning his head to face Chanyeol.

His eyes widening, Chanyeol bit the inside of his cheeks. Was he that obvious? Did Jongin notice his crush? Embarrassed, he looked away. 

“Was I wrong?” Jongin pressed on. 

“No.” Chanyeol conceded, staring down at his linked hands resting on his lap. “You’re right. I wanted to kiss you.” He looked up, meeting Jongin’s gaze. “Actually, I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.”   

Jongin opened his mouth but nothing came out. 

“Jongin, do you even like boys?” Chanyeol finally asked. 

His friend licked his lip. “Do I need to like boys to like you?” 

Taken aback, Chanyeol’s eyes widened. “N-No. But I mean, are you sure you like me?”

Crossing his arms, Jongin glared at him, visibly hurt. “It’s not because I didn’t date anyone before that I don’t know what liking someone means.” 

“How can you be sure? You’ve never been with a girl before so…” he spluttered. 

“That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard,” Jongin snapped, standing up. “If I were a girl you wouldn’t ask me if I was sure, right? You wouldn’t ask me if I had been with another girl just to be sure, right?”

Chanyeol caught his wrist before he could leave. “Wait, I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m being stupid,” he tugged Jongin’s arm until he turned around. “I just don’t want you to regret it.” 

“You mean,  _ you _ don’t want to regret it,” Jongin seethed. “You assume I don’t like you, Chanyeol. It’s extremely unfair. Just because I’ve never been with anyone, even less a man, before doesn’t mean I don’t know how to  _ like _ someone.” 

Stunned, Chanyeol let go of him and stepped back. “I’m sorry,” he said, ashamed. 

“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me,” Jongin added softly. 

Chanyeol took a sharp intake of breath. “You’re right. Everything you said.” He grabbed Jongin’s hands gently, pulling him towards him until their shoes touched. “I’m being an egocentric asshole, I’m sorry.” 

Jongin snorted. “I’m glad you’re realizing it.” 

His lips quirking up, Chanyeol bent down slowly, nosing Jongin’s cheek. “Can you forgive me?”

Jongin’s breath hitched. “Only if you kiss me.” 

Smiling against his skin, Chanyeol brushed his lips to his cheek then pecked his lips chastely. “Like that?” he asked cheekily. 

Grunting, Jongin tiptoed and planted his mouth against his to shut him up. Chanyeol released his hands to bring him closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss. Jongin gasped when Chanyeol’s tongue licked his lips, coaxing his mouth open. Jongin nearly melted into Chanyeol’s embrace as he kissed him lazily, tangling their tongues together and cupping his cheek to angle his head properly.

A noise in the corridor made them jump apart and a few seconds later Taemin came barging into the locker room. “Hey, sorry but rehearsal is over.” He took a look at their flushed face and red lips and paused. “Oh. Uh, sorry for disturbing you,” he said, scratching the back of his head.

“It’s fine, I was going to leave anyway,” Chanyeol stuttered. 

Taemin didn’t look convinced but nodded, turning his back to them to search for his clothes in his locker. Chanyeol bit his lip and looked at Jongin, smiling widely. Jongin opened his own locker and grabbed his phone, giving it to Chanyeol. The later quickly typed in his number and gave Jongin his phone back, his fingers brushing Jongin’s hand purposefully. 

Stepping back, he mouthed a ‘call me’ before exiting the locker room. Chanyeol left the building with a skip in his steps and a huge smile on his face. 

 

Jongin called him later that day, before Chanyeol’s basketball practice, shyly asking how his afternoon had been. They decided to meet after classes the following day. His friends found him giggling by himself, cradling his phone against his chest, and stared. Only Kyungsoo and Jongdae knew what could be the reason of his weird state. Kyungsoo only rolled his eyes, hitting his head as he passed by, ignoring Chanyeol’s affronted “hey!” 

Jongdae sat heavily beside him and nudged his ribs as he started undressing. “What’s up? What’s the good news?”

Chanyeol offered him a smile and bit his lips shyly. “I think I have a boyfriend.” 

“You think?” Kyungsoo inquired, arching one eyebrow.

“Well, it’s not official yet, but I’m practically sure we’re together?” Chanyeol replied. 

Jongdae pursed his lips. “Jongin?” 

Nodding eagerly, Chanyeol fist bump. “Yes!” 

“So…he likes you?” his best friend asked. 

Chanyeol sobered up. “I think so. At least he told me he did.” Jongdae seemed conflicted by the news and Chanyeol’s mood dampened immediately. “What is it? You don’t look too happy for me. Spill.” he sighed.  

“I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.” Jongdae tried, pulling his pants on. 

“You don’t think he likes me?” Chanyeol chuckled, taking off his shirt. “I didn’t believe him too, and he got mad at me.” 

“You said you weren’t close before, isn’t it weird?” his best friend continued, staring pointedly at him. “I don’t doubt his sincerity, it’s just that…I hope he knows what he wants. I hope he’s serious.”

“It’s not like we’re getting married,” Chanyeol said dryly. “I want to try. You know I’ve liked him for a while so if there’s a chance that he likes me and that we could be together I want to try at least.”

“Does Sehun know?” Kyungsoo cut in. 

Chanyeol paused halfway through pulling his pants off. “I don’t think so. I didn’t tell him about the kiss, and I doubt Jongin did either.” 

“Won’t it be a shock to him? His two best friends getting together?” Kyungsoo said. “He could feel left out. Did you think about it?” 

Biting his lip, Chanyeol hurriedly put his tank top. “No.” 

“Maybe you should talk to him.” Junmyeon butted in. “I wouldn’t like it if my friends dated behind my back.” 

“We’re not really dating yet.” Chanyeol mumbled. “We just kissed…twice.” 

Jongdae hit his ass with his towel. “Don’t play dumb.” 

“Jongin is really secretive though. I doubt he would like it if I told Sehun without his consent… Hell, he would kill me if he knew I told you guys.” Chanyeol sighed.

Baekhyun cleared his throat. “Isn’t it suspicious?”

“Not you too…” Chanyeol groaned, getting frustrated. “What is your problem, guys? Don’t you like Jongin? I thought you got along just fine.”

“We like him, we just don’t want to see you hurt.” Kyungsoo admitted.

“I know you liked Yifan a lot, but we’re done and I need to move on.” Chanyeol reasoned. 

Jongdae tutted. “We liked Yifan because he made you happy, idiot.”

“Jongin will too.” he shot back, annoyed.

Getting up, Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and stormed out, pissed off. “Well, I hope he will since he’s the reason you broke up with Yifan.” he muttered.   

Gawping, Chanyeol stared at his back. “I… didn’t…” he trailed off, before clamping his mouth shut. It was a lie. He kind of did break up with Yifan because of Jongin and Sehun. But not because of his crush on Jongin. Well, at least he thought so.

Jongdae squeezed his shoulder. “Let’s go, we’re going to be late and the coach will be pissed.”   

 

Chanyeol’s mom was surprised to see Jongin come alone to see Chanyeol the next day. Usually, Jongin and Sehun would come together. Chanyeol quickly found an excuse to tell his mom and led Jongin to his room, pushing him against the door to kiss him as soon as it was close. 

“Hi,” he breathed. 

Jongin smiled. “Hi yourself.” 

Taking his hand, Chanyeol let himself fall onto his bed, pulling Jongin with him. Rolling on the mattress, they settled on their side, facing each other. 

“How was your day?” Chanyeol asked, resting his hand against Jongin’s hip.

“Good, and yours?” he replied, glancing at Chanyeol’s hand as it started rubbing circles on his lower back.  

“Okay, I guess.” Chanyeol shrugged. “I wanted to see you.” 

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” Jongin chuckled. 

Chanyeol grinned and closed the distance to kiss him again. Leaning on his elbow, he hovered above Jongin and kissed him more intensely, Jongin rolling onto his back to accommodate him. Pressing himself closer, Chanyeol moaned against his lover’s mouth, his hand unconsciously sliding inside Jongin’s shirt to caress his skin. Once out of breath, they pulled back. Chanyeol trailed kisses on Jongin’s cheek, jaw and neck, nibbling his skin and leaving red marks on its way. Jongin let out soft gasps, his hands gripping Chanyeol’s biceps before he stopped him.

“Wait,” he said, pushing at Chanyeol’s chest. “Slow down.”

Chanyeol immediately moved back, withdrawing his hand, and looked down at Jongin’s flushed face. “Sorry.” 

“It’s fine, just…slowly.” he smiled shyly. 

“Does it feel good?” Chanyeol inquired. “Are you comfortable?”

Despite his embarrassment, Jongin nodded. Settling back down onto the bed, Chanyeol slotted their lips together once more and snuggled closer, content to just lie down with his boyfriend. “Did you tell Sehun about us?” he asked.

“No…” he said softly. 

“Don’t you want him to know or…” Chanyeol inquired, grimacing as he remembered his conversation with his friends. 

“I don’t know how to tell him.” Jongin mumbled. “I’m a bit scared of his reaction.” 

“Why?” Chanyeol asked, curious. 

“He’ll feel left out, and he’ll think we’ll leave him.” he explained softly, his voice getting sad. “Also, he will get mad at us because we didn’t tell him we liked each other.” He sighed loudly. “You know, he tells me everything but I don’t, and I’m afraid he’ll think we— _ I _ —don’t trust him.”

“It’s not true. You’re just secretive.” Chanyeol said, tightening his grip on him. “He knows it too.”

“Yes, but he will blame himself anyway. I know him.” Jongin turned his head to meet Chanyeol’s eyes. “He blamed himself a lot after you told us you liked boys and that you broke up with Yifan. He thought he was a bad friend since he didn’t talk to you at all while he dated Hani, while you came to comfort him when they broke up.” 

Chanyeol looked down, not knowing what to say. He couldn’t lie and say it didn’t hurt or that he didn’t feel left out. 

“You’ve come to see me when I hurt myself too, but I was so angry and frustrated I pushed you away. I’ve been an even shittier friend than Sehun all this time.” he continued. “Fuck, we didn’t even know you liked boys!” he cursed, getting angry. “It’s like we didn’t know each other!”

Chanyeol’s heart swelled. He cupped Jongin’s cheek and kissed him slowly. “We’re fine now,” he whispered against his mouth. 

“It’s not okay, Chanyeol.” Jongin frowned, visibly worked up. “I know you’ve broken up with Yifan because of us too.” 

Chanyeol froze. “Who told you that?” he grunted. If one of his friends told Jongin that he would—

Jongin’s eyes softened. “No one. They didn’t need to, we found out ourselves.” He was the one who pressed his lips to Chanyeol’s this time, rolling them over so he was on top of his lover’s chest. “Your friends should hate us, but they don’t. They can’t because you’ll choose us over them, right?”

Biting his lips, Chanyeol looked away. He couldn’t deny it. Even though he couldn’t let go of his team for Sehun and Jongin’s friendship, he knew he could eventually do it if Jongin asked him to, now that they were together. It was wrong, Chanyeol knew it, but he couldn’t help it. 

“You deserve better than us,” Jongin continued, grabbing Chanyeol’s jaw none too gently. “And I know you deserve better than me, but I’m selfish and I want you for myself.” he admitted, strangely talkative for once. “But promise me you’ll never let go of your friends for me, and that you’ll let go of me if I don’t make you happy.” he asked seriously. “Promise me.”

Clearing his throat, Chanyeol nodded. “I promise.” 

“Good,” Jongin said, satisfied. “For Sehun, I will tell him.” 

“Shouldn’t we tell him together?” Chanyeol proposed. 

Jongin hesitated. “I’m not sure.”

Smiling, Chanyeol wrapped his arms around him and hugged him close, kissing his temple. “Let’s do it together.” 

 

Sehun didn’t react badly, but he wasn’t too happy with them either. He got mad, of course, feeling betrayed by his closest friends. He didn’t let Jongin explain him that they just started dating, assuming they had been together for a long time already. Chanyeol didn’t want to interfere, seeing as Sehun looked hurt and very disappointed. He wouldn’t have listened. Sehun asked them to leave him alone for some time and that he would come around eventually. Jongin felt guilty of course, and so was Chanyeol. They spent a lot of time together nowadays, only the two of them, enjoying their time together even though Sehun’s absence took a toll on their relationship.

As days passed without any news from Sehun, Chanyeol noticed that Jongin started doubting their relationship. He would pull away from him, avoid his gaze and lose himself in his thoughts when they were together. It was obvious that he was starting to regret his choice to date Chanyeol. Chanyeol wanted to be mad at him for doubting, he wanted to be mad at Sehun too because obviously if he had been happy for them instead of acting like a selfish prick Jongin wouldn’t doubt their relationship. 

Chanyeol felt helpless about it, feeling frustrated and upset. Jongin just wouldn’t listen to him, shutting him out each time he brought up the subject, leaving no choice for Chanyeol but to keep quiet. Chanyeol really liked Jongin and he knew Jongin liked him too which made everything even shittier. He hoped Jongin would realize that their relationship had nothing to do with their friendship with Sehun. What they had, Chanyeol and Jongin, didn’t concern anyone but them. Chanyeol wished Jongin knew it.  

Since the basketball team decided to celebrate their victory after a good match in a bar, Chanyeol took the opportunity to share his worries with his friends.

“Do you think he’s regretting it? That he wants to break up?” Jongdae tried, taking a gulp of his beer.

“I don’t know?” he replied. “What if he does?”

“I think he’s just confused because Sehun is mad.” Junmyeon said quietly. “If his best friend doesn’t agree with his choice, he probably thinks he made the wrong one.”

“What about me? My feelings?” Chanyeol sighed. “This is so fucked up.” 

“Did you talk to Sehun?” Baekhyun offered. “Just the two of you.”

Chanyeol grimaced. “No, I don’t think he would be happy to see me right now.”

“Your relationship with Sehun and Jongin is really weird.” Jongdae commented, frustrated. “Sehun should be happy for you, not mad at the both of you, it’s ridiculous and petty. Jongin shouldn’t doubt your relationship with you because of his best friend if he likes you. And  _ you _ shouldn’t be sad because of two of your closest friends all the time.”

“Jongdae…” Chanyeol trailed off sadly. 

“I’m sorry,” his best friend apologized. “I hate seeing you sad. It’s always because of them.” Shaking his head, he stood up and went to the bar to order another beer. 

“He’s right, you know.” Kyungsoo added. “If Jongin is regretting his choice, he doesn’t deserve you.”

Chanyeol knew his friends were looking out for him but they weren’t helping right now. Nursing his beer, he could only nod and get lost in thoughts. A hand on his arm pulled him out of his reverie and he grinned when he recognized Yifan’s face. 

“Hey,” he called. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.” 

“I’ve been busy,” Yifan said, shrugging. “How are you?”

“Okay, we won our match today so we came to celebrate.” he explained. “You?” 

“Just needed to go out.” Yifan chuckled. 

“Needed to get laid you mean?” Chanyeol snickered, earning a punch in the shoulder.

“Shut up. And you? Are you alone?” he asked curiously, looking around. 

Chanyeol let out a laugh at that, purposefully ignoring the real question. “I know my friends are short but not that short!”

Yifan grinned, waving his team. “Hi, guys.” He turned his attention back to Chanyeol when they waved back. “It’s not what I meant.” 

Chanyeol cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Where is he?” Yifan asked curiously. 

“He didn’t come tonight. It’s complicated.” he added when Yifan narrowed his eyes at him in confusion. 

“Okay,” his ex-boyfriend said slowly. “Can I sit with you guys?”

“Of course,” Jongdae replied, patting the space next to him. Yifan grinned and settled in front of Chanyeol, but his smile fell when he caught the glare Chanyeol sent in Jongdae’s direction.

“Should I go?” he asked softly, biting his lips. 

Chanyeol widened his eyes, holding his hands up. “No! Sorry, it’s not because of you.” 

Yifan relaxed, visibly relieved. “I heard you guys have been winning lots of your matches, I’m proud!” 

“We miss you though, you were a cool coach. Less sadistic than Changmin!” Baekhyun lamented. 

They all chuckled and started conversing comfortably, like old friends. Chanyeol was glad he could still talk to Yifan without feeling awkward. He genuinely liked the man, ex-boyfriend or not. Perhaps they could become friends now that some time had passed. 

Liyin joined them around eleven. Jongdae’s smile could illuminate the entire room when he caught sight of her. It was cute in Chanyeol’s opinion. Jongdae had liked her for a while before finally asking her out after all. He was glad his best friend was happy. At least one of them was, he thought bitterly. As if sensing his mood, Yifan nudged him and Chanyeol smiled at him. Yifan still knew him well it seemed. 

“Do you want to dance?” Yifan offered. 

Chanyeol hesitated before accepting. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, they were just friends now, right? They weren’t the best dancers but they always had fun dancing together when they were dating. Chanyeol could feel a smile tug at his lips when they started dancing, seeing that Yifan’s awkward moves hadn’t changed at all. Chuckling, he started moving his hips with the beat, laughing out loud when Yifan understood that he was making fun of him and tickled him. It felt nice to laugh freely like that. Chanyeol was glad he met Yifan tonight. 

His ex-boyfriend kept his distance and Chanyeol felt grateful. He wasn’t drunk per se, but he wasn’t totally sober either. The whole combination of alcohol, heartache and ex-boyfriend wasn’t the best, so he was happy at least one of them was reasonable. Honestly, if Chanyeol wasn’t dating Jongin, he would have probably hooked up with Yifan tonight. He knew Yifan was still attracted to him, Chanyeol could see it in the way he looked at him. And Chanyeol had always been weak for Yifan since the first day they meet. 

A hand tugged at his bicep and Chanyeol found himself face to face with Sehun. Surprised to see him here, he opened his mouth but nothing came out. Yifan sent him a curious look, mouthing “boyfriend?” but Chanyeol shook his head. Sehun led him towards his team’s table and glared at him.

“Who is he? Aren’t you dating Jongin?” he snapped. 

Chanyeol saw red. “What the fuck?” he argued. “He’s a friend! And yes, I’m dating Jongin, well at least I think we’re still dating but I’m not too sure since he started doubting our relationship because of his asshole of a best friend!” 

Sehun’s eyes widened and stepped back as if he was burnt. “What?”

“You’re mad at us, at him, and he feels guilty. Now, he’s regretting his choice about going out with me, thanks to you.” Chanyeol grunted, annoyed. “Look, I just want to have fun, leave me alone okay?”

Sehun caught his wrist before he could flee. “Wait. Chanyeol, I’m sorry. I didn’t know Jongin would…I’m sorry. But we cleared things up.” he insisted. “So, don’t do anything stupid.” 

Chanyeol arched his eyebrow. “Like what?”

“Like hooking up with your ex out of spite.” Sehun rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid, I know who that dude is.” 

“It has nothing to do with you if I go home with Yifan.” Chanyeol snarled. 

Sehun frowned. “If you hurt my best friend, it concerns me.”      

“And me? What am I?” he asked bitterly. “The best friend that you can discard easily? I’m sick of it, Sehun. I’m sick of you and Jongin. I’m sick of our relationship. I’m sick of getting hurt.”

“Look, you’re drunk and probably angry right now, but please Chanyeol, don’t do something you’ll regret in the morning.” Sehun pleaded. “I know you like Jongin a lot, and I know he does too, even though he might be confused right now.” 

“Whatever.” Chanyeol sighed, pulling free from his grip. “Go home, Sehun.”

Chanyeol didn’t know why he was so mad right now, but now that his wounds were open he felt strangely hopeless. He knew he would regret what he just said to Sehun but he was upset and sad and his heart hurt a lot. The bile rose in his throat. He was going to be sick. Physically sick this time. He quickly made his way to the bathroom and threw up all his stomach’s content. Someone rubbed his back and he turned his head to see Jongdae’s worried eyes on him. His best friend waited for him to calm down before helping him to to rinse his mouth.  

“Liyin?” Chanyeol mumbled. 

“She went home,” Jongdae answered quietly. 

Chanyeol looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Jongdae shook his head. “Let’s get you home.”

They saw Yifan waiting outside and Chanyeol felt a little self-conscious to be in that state in front of him. Sure, his ex-boyfriend had seen him sick before, even hungover but not heartbroken and pathetic like that. Chanyeol felt ashamed. 

“You must really like him.” Yifan commented softly, squeezing his shoulder. “See you later, Chanyeol. It was nice to see you. Take care, okay?” 

Nodding numbly, Chanyeol waved at him. Jongdae stared at Yifan’s retreating back with sad eyes. “He still loves you,” he said simply.

Chanyeol didn’t reply, his shoulders slumping. Jongdae was kind enough not to add anything, guiding him to Junmyeon’s car. Jongdae wanted to carry him back home but Chanyeol didn’t want to worry his parents so he decided to go home alone. He thanked his friends and apologized for his attitude before dragging his feet to his home. Everyone was asleep so he was careful not to make any noise as he went to his room. As soon as he closed the door, he let himself fall on the bed and closed his eyes. What a shitty day. 

 

Chanyeol woke up to his phone ringing. Groaning, he rolled around in bed, feeling uncomfortable. He was still clothed, smelling like alcohol, sweat and puke, and his head hurt like hell. Remembering the events from the night before, he grimaced. Fuck. 

Before reading his texts, he decided to take a shower to freshen up. His mother looked at him disapprovingly when he entered the kitchen but she didn’t get angry at him. He must really look like shit. He smiled sheepishly and took a glass of water to take an aspirin, gulping down the medicine before going back to his room. 

The first text was from Jongdae, asking him to ‘call him asap’. Chanyeol grimaced. The next was from Kyungsoo, advising him to ‘sleep, eat and drink a lot of water’. He snorted and sent back a quick ‘yes mom’. Baekhyun and Junmyeon had both sent him similar texts. Sehun had asked him if they could meet. He typed out a ‘when? where?’, before moving on to the next one: Jongin’s. 

Chanyeol hesitated to open Jongin’s text. The last text Jongin had sent him yesterday was to congratulate him for their win. Chanyeol hadn’t replied, upset that Jongin hadn’t come to watch his match. Grimacing, Chanyeol took a deep breath and opened the text. ‘I talked to Sehun, he’s not mad anymore. I need to talk to you, when can we meet? I miss you…’ Chanyeol didn’t know what Sehun told Jongin but he would soon discover it. He also didn’t know if it was too late to salvage his relationship with Jongin but he was getting to the point of not really caring. Yes, it was that bad.

He liked Jongin a lot, but it was a mess with Sehun in the picture. Funny how Sehun brought them together when they didn’t get along, but was also the one who prevented them from being really  _ together _ . Now, it was Chanyeol’s turn to doubt their relationship. 

First, he decided to call Jongdae to sort out his current feelings. He didn’t want to fuck up. He nearly did yesterday night after all. Now that he was sober, he needed to think before doing anything drastic. Jongdae told him to see Sehun first, to clear up any misunderstanding and also to apologize to him for his attitude yesterday, then to meet Jongin and be honest about his feelings. 

“If Jongin doesn’t want to be with you, you need to walk away.” Jongdae said seriously. “If it’s too complicated, it’s better to stop everything right now before anyone gets seriously hurt. Maybe you’re not made for each other.”

Chanyeol mulled over the thought until he met Sehun. Jongdae could be right but he didn’t want to believe it. He knew Jongin was right for him. He was different. They were comfortable and they knew each other well and Chanyeol had liked him for so long he didn’t know how not to like him. He couldn’t walk away from Jongin, it would be impossible. He hoped they would be okay. 

“Hey,” he said as he sat in front of Sehun. They decided to meet in a coffee shop. 

“Hey,” Sehun replied, putting down his bubble tea. “Sober?”

Chanyeol narrowed his eyes. “I can leave if you don’t want to see me.”

Sehun caught his hand. “Sorry,” he bit his lips. “I’m still shaken by what you said yesterday.”

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol whispered. “I didn’t…”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t mean it, we both know you did.” Sehun cut in. “It’s fine. You were right anyway.”  

“Jongin told me you talked?” Chanyeol changed the subject.

“We did,” Sehun nodded. “He explained everything to me. And I apologized, because I’ve been stupid. I wanted to apologize to you too, yesterday night.” 

“I see.” Chanyeol said simply. 

“Chanyeol, are we okay?” Sehun asked suddenly, sounding anxious. 

Chanyeol sighed. “Of course, we are. I’m sorry too, for yesterday.”

Sehun grinned, hopeful. “Friends?”  

Smiling back, Chanyeol nodded. “Yeah.”

“About Jongin…” Sehun started.

“Don’t.” his friend cut in firmly. “That’s between Jongin and I.”

Sehun nodded slowly, looking worried. They started talking about other things then; Chanyeol’s match, Jongdae’s party next week. Jongdae said he had someone he wanted Sehun to meet. Sehun looked excited at the news and it drew a smile on Chanyeol’s lips. 

 

Chanyeol walked to Jongin’s house after leaving Sehun. He had spent a nice afternoon with his friend and now he felt a little nervous to see his boyfriend. Jongin’s mom smiled at him gently when she opened the door and she offered him to go to Jongin’s room. He thanked her and knocked on Jongin’s bedroom’s door. 

“Come in,” came Jongin’s muffled voice. 

Chanyeol opened the door, his eyes immediately falling on Jongin’s figure. He was sitting cross legged on his bed with a book on his lap. He looked small somehow, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and his boxers, his hair a mess of a black mop and his glasses perched atop of his nose.  There were also circles under his eyes but he still looked unfairly good.

Chanyeol cleared his throat, closing the door. “Hi.” 

Jongin threw his book aside and jumped on him, hugging him tightly. If Chanyeol hadn’t had such good reflexes they would have toppled over for sure. With Jongin’s legs around his waist and arms wrapped tightly around his neck, Chanyeol let out a shaky breath. “Missed me?”

Jongin nodded, burying his face against his neck. “Very much.” he mumbled. “Chanyeol, I’m so sorry. I’ve hurt you again and I’m so so sorry.” 

Chanyeol tightened his grip on him. “I like you so much,” he whispered in reply. 

Jongin pressed a small kiss to his neck and drew back to look him in the eyes. “I like you too.”

Smiling, Chanyeol pecked his nose and walked them to Jongin’s bed, dropping his boyfriend gently on the mattress and settling between his legs. They stayed tangled for a while, not talking, just hugging tightly. 

“Sehun doesn’t want to get in between us, and I don’t want it either.” Jongin started softly. “I like you, and I want to be with you.” 

“I want to be with you too,” Chanyeol answered honestly. “But I’m scared you will regret it—us.”

Jongin exhaled loudly, pushing at Chanyeol’s shoulders until he rolled onto his side. “I should be the one being scared.” he mumbled. 

“Why? I’ve liked you for so long, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” Chanyeol chuckled, touching his face tenderly. 

Jongin appeared nervous, biting his lip. “There’s something I need to tell you.” 

Chanyeol paused, resting his hand on Jongin’s neck. “Yeah?”

“I told you before that I’ve never liked anyone and never thought of kissing anyone right?” he said. At Chanyeol’s nod, he continued. “I had no interest in a relationship before, kissing, cuddling, dating or having sex. Then you kissed me and I thought it wasn’t that bad, you know. I’m comfortable with you so kissing you and hugging you and being close to you is nice.” He hesitated, frowning slightly. “But I won’t be comfortable with more.”

Blinking, Chanyeol pursed his lips. “What do you mean?”

“I really like you, and I want to be with you, to date you. Believe me, I do. But I…won’t be comfortable with having sex with you.” Jongin confessed, anxiously waiting for Chanyeol’s reaction.

“So…kissing, cuddling, hand holding and a little bit of touching are okay, but no sex?” he asked carefully. 

Jongin nodded. “We can…try having sex I guess, I mean, I won’t mind getting you off.” 

Chanyeol licked his lips slowly. “What are the boundaries then?”

“I don’t really know myself,” Jongin admitted, his throat closing up. “I guess we’ll have to figure it out.” 

“Had I done something to upset you since we started dating?” Chanyeol inquired worriedly. “Did I make you feel uncomfortable in any way?”

Shaking his head, Jongin smiled. “No, don’t worry.” 

Sighing in relief, Chanyeol offered him a small smile. Jongin closed the distance between their faces to kiss him, squeezing his boyfriend’s bicep when he tensed up. Relaxing at Jongin’s touch, Chanyeol responded eagerly to the kiss. Jongin grabbed Chanyeol’s hand and put it on his hip like he liked to do, showing his boyfriend that it was okay. Chanyeol grew confident, kissing him with more passion, hugging him close. 

“I’m going to get a boner if we don’t stop,” Chanyeol mumbled sheepishly when they pulled away.

It tore a laugh from Jongin. “It’s fine, I don’t mind. Really. I can probably help you out with it too.”

“What about you?” Chanyeol frowned. 

Jongin looked pensive. “My back hurt so you could massage it?” 

Chuckling incredulously, Chanyeol nodded. “Okay, I can do that.”

His boyfriend beamed and kissed him once more, rolling them on the bed as they fought to dominate the kiss. In the end, Chanyeol forgot all about his arousal. He pushed Jongin down on the bed on his stomach, and rolled his sweatshirt up to his armpits. Pressing a sweet kiss to Jongin’s back, Chanyeol started massaging the skin slowly, grinning when Jongin moaned under his touch.

“Feels good?” he asked.

“Yes, oh my god.” Jongin replied, his face contorting in a blissful expression. 

Chanyeol beamed, applying more pressure when he felt tension under his fingertips, kneading the flesh and working on the knots. He massaged Jongin’s back for the next thirty minutes, enjoying the little pleased sounds his boyfriend let out. As they went back to cuddling afterwards, Chanyeol stroked Jongin’s hair as his boyfriend caressed his arm in an up and down motion.       

 

There was something nagging at Jongin for a few days now. The last time Chanyeol and he had been in his room, his boyfriend had been abnormally turned on. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself after seeing Jongin’s performance and he kept groping his ass and kissing his chest and sucking on his neck and it was all too much for Jongin. Jongin had felt Chanyeol’s boner against his thigh too as Chanyeol kissed him deeply and sensually, his tongue mimicking the sexual act unconsciously. It had been overwhelming for Jongin. 

He had to force a laugh and push Chanyeol away when his boyfriend’s hands tried to pull off his boxers. “Wait, Chanyeol,” he gasped, smiling uneasily.

“What?” Chanyeol frowned, stopping his action. “I just want to touch you.”

“I’m not sure-”

“Not inappropriately, I promise.” Chanyeol cut in, kissing his mouth softly. “Just let me see all of you.” 

Jongin hesitated, feeling torn between saying no because he really didn’t want to get naked and feel Chanyeol’s hands all over him right now, considering Chanyeol was obviously picturing very dirty thoughts about him, and agreeing because Chanyeol was his boyfriend and he wouldn’t do anything that could upset Jongin. Jongin needed to trust him. Sighing, he nodded in consent. Chanyeol grinned and kissed him gently on the lips, kneeling next to him to remove his boxers slowly and carefully. He peppered kisses on his legs and let his eyes roam over his naked body on display. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered in awe. 

Jongin’s cheeks reddened and he hit his boyfriend’s chest. “Shut up.” 

Chanyeol kept complimenting him, particularly his body and his face. Jongin knew his body was making it difficult for Chanyeol not to jump him. He seemed strangely aroused every time Jongin was around—dressed or naked it didn’t matter. Chanyeol liked his muscular frame, his hips, his abs, he couldn’t keep himself from grabbing and hitting his butt too, and he developed a fetish for his thighs. Jongin blushed as he recalled a conversation they had a few weeks ago. Chanyeol had asked him if he would be up for thighs fucking since it wasn’t really sex in his books. Jongin was still pondering about it. But obviously now wasn’t the right time yet. 

They talked a lot about Jongin’s boundaries, Chanyeol never forced himself on him or never guilt tripped him to do anything he didn’t want to do. And even though Jongin wasn’t in the mood today, he wasn’t agreeing because Chanyeol was pressuring him. He just wanted to make Chanyeol happy. Chanyeol was trying his best, he should do too. It was a two way street. 

Chanyeol lay back down on the mattress, spooning Jongin and tangled their legs together. He was still wearing his boxers since they had agreed that they shouldn’t be naked together—for now. It was mostly Jongin who found himself being naked when they were together. Chanyeol didn’t want his boyfriend to feel his boner on his skin or even see it when they were in bed. If Jongin was feeling guilty he didn’t like sex, Chanyeol was feeling guilty to like it a little too much and since he was often aroused in Jongin’s presence, he’d rather hide his excitement from view. 

At first, it had been weird for Jongin to see how difficult it was for Chanyeol not to be aroused. Jongin had never been aroused because of someone else before. Sure, he had jerked off. He had also found people pretty or hot or cute, but not in a  _ I-want-to-have-sex-with-them _ way. They were aesthetically pleasing but that’s it. He liked Chanyeol’s body too, his boyfriend was handsome after all, but he wasn’t popping a boner when he thought about him naked. 

Chanyeol’s lips were nice but he didn’t think they would be great for a blowjob like Sehun had suggested once for example (Jongin wished he could forget this conversation about his sexuality with his cis allosexual best friend). Jongin liked kissing them, they were soft and plush but that’s it. He also liked being held in Chanyeol’s arms, and his muscled biceps looked good too. And sure, his chest was nice to bury his face in or to pillow his head, but really Jongin didn’t think about it that much—in a sexual way. 

Chanyeol was hot and lots of people wanted to have sex with him but Jongin didn’t. And that was what was nagging at Jongin’s mind. Why would Chanyeol stay with him if he couldn’t offer him sex? Shouldn’t he have sex with other people then? Chanyeol had confessed he had been really sexually active with his ex and that Yifan had taught him everything. He had admitted he had hooked up with some people after their break up too, just for sex. Because apparently, as weird as it was from Jongin’s perspective, Chanyeol  _ needed _ sex. It gave an idea to Jongin.

“You want me to do what?” Chanyeol spluttered, his eyes widening.

“I want you to have sex with other people.” Jongin repeated slowly, tightening his grip on his boyfriend’s hand. 

“Why would you say that?” Chanyeol inquired, confused. “Why would you want me to sleep with people who aren’t you?”

Jongin shrugged. “Because you like sex.” he deadpanned.

Narrowing his eyes, Chanyeol sat straighter on the couch. “Jongin. I like  _ you _ . I’m dating  _ you _ . I’m not going to have sex with someone else!” 

Jongin bit his lips, looking down at his lap. “I’ve thought about it and I think it might be a good idea.”

“Bullshit!” Chanyeol snorted. “It’s stupid. Look, would you be okay with someone else kissing me?”

“You can have sex without kissing.” Jongin mumbled, pouting.

“See!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “You’re already against the idea yourself. What about someone else touching me? Seeing me naked? Hugging me? Would you be okay with that?”

With a sigh, Jongin shook his head. Honestly, he wouldn’t. He would wonder if this person is better than him, he would worry about Chanyeol leaving him if the sex was great or if he fell for someone else, he would feel anxious and insecure, always thinking about strangers kissing and touching and sharing body fluids with his boyfriend. It wasn’t okay at all. 

“Jongin?” Chanyeol pressed.

“No, I wouldn’t.” Jongin admitted. “It’s just…” he paused. “I know it’s unfair to you. I was wondering if there were other options for you. That’s all.” 

Chanyeol’s eyes softened. He brought Jongin’s hand to his lips and kissed his boyfriend’s knuckles. “It’s fine. I’m fine with how things are between us, I promise. I won’t have sex with anyone else. Don’t bring that up again okay?” 

Jongin deflated, nodding. He wasn’t entirely convinced Chanyeol was really fine with how things were but he would let it go for now. Chanyeol pulled him closer and hugged him, caressing his hair. “You worry too much,” he whispered. “I’m happy with you Jongin, I promise.” 

Burying his face into his boyfriend’s chest, Jongin shut his eyes firmly. He wanted to believe, but he couldn’t help but think Chanyeol wouldn’t be totally happy with him. Chanyeol was sincere, he knew, but he was only saying this for now. They had been together only for two months. When Chanyeol would reach his limits maybe he would realize he had been wrong and that Jongin wasn’t enough for him. He would want sex. He might even cheat on Jongin if it became too hard to resist sex. 

Jongin tried to stop his dark thoughts but he couldn’t help it. He was always thinking of the worst. He was always wondering about the aftermath. And right now, Jongin was scared to lose Chanyeol. Tightening his hold on Chanyeol’s shirt, Jongin pressed himself closer to his boyfriend, making himself small in Chanyeol’s embrace. Chanyeol looked down at Jongin’s head with worry and kissed his hair. He wished Jongin would stop blaming himself for being who he was.

 

**University**

Even if they weren’t all taking the same major, they decided to share a flat —Chanyeol’s idea obviously.  Jongin wanted to bang his head against the wall when Chanyeol suggested it but he couldn’t say no when Sehun’s smile had illuminated the entire room. It was funny, because Jongin should have been ecstatic to live with his best friend  _ and _ his boyfriend, but he wasn’t. He was worried something would go wrong. Chanyeol and Jongin were good, they were slowly figuring things out and they were both happy with their relationship. Jongin didn’t want anything to change now that they had found their equilibrium. 

Sehun was an amazing best friend and very understanding too, but he liked girls and he was allosexual. For him, it was natural to talk about sex, to get horny, to want to have sex and to have sex with girls on a regular basis. He knew it wasn’t the case for Jongin and he accepted it, but he couldn’t fully understand it. Sometimes Sehun would say something really dumb and insensitive and Jongin would feel like shit afterwards.  

It didn’t help that Chanyeol wasn’t asexual either. His boyfriend was amazing but his sex drive was really high and he was horny all the time it seemed. Even though  _ Jongin _ aroused him, which was very flattering, he was scared Sehun would talk Chanyeol out in trying to have sex with Jongin or something as ridiculous as this. Sehun still thought Jongin didn’t like sex because he hadn’t tried it. He was kind of an asshole about it and no matter how many times Jongin and Chanyeol told him to shut up and educate himself, he would still do it. 

Jongin was afraid Chanyeol would start to think it wasn’t normal too and would finally decide he didn’t want the kind of relationship Jongin had to offer. Jongin was scared Sehun would somehow influence his boyfriend. After worrying about it for a week, he finally shared his thoughts with Chanyeol.

“I wouldn’t force myself on you, Jongin.” his boyfriend reasoned, rubbing his back. “I never did, I won’t start now.”

“But Sehun-”

“I told you before, Sehun has nothing to do with our relationship. I don’t listen to his stupid ideas.” Chanyeol cut him off, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Please, don’t worry.”

Jongin sighed, his knuckles gripping Chanyeol’s nightshirt tightly. “I can’t help it.”

“Do you want me to explain to Sehun that maybe it’s not a good idea for us three to live together?” Chanyeol offered. 

“It’ll upset him,” his boyfriend mumbled. 

“Look, your well-being is more important to me. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable and stressed out in your own home.” Chanyeol assured. “I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry.”

“Perhaps we could talk to Sehun first.” Jongin replied, feeling guilty. 

Chanyeol hummed. “Yes, we can. We’ll try, but if it doesn’t work, we’ll go live somewhere else.”

Appeased, Jongin snuggled closer to his boyfriend. “Thank you.”

Chanyeol kissed the top of his head. “Don’t mention it, babe.” 

 

They were currently lazing around at Chanyeol’s house, a little over one month before university would start. Sehun came to hang out with his best friends as per usual, totally oblivious of the real reason he was there today. They played video games and drank fresh beers, waiting for Sehun to get comfortable before Chanyeol cleared his throat and finally said  _ it _ . 

Sehun froze when Chanyeol finally dropped the bomb. “You don’t want to live with me anymore?” he asked, a little incredulous. 

Sehun noticed Jongin had been acting weird since he came over, staying weirdly silent, but his best friend hadn’t always been the talkative type either way so he quickly shrugged it off. Turned out Jongin was tongue-tied because he was nervous. Sehun couldn’t blame him. The last time Jongin hid something from him nearly destroyed their friendship.  

“It’s just that…” Chanyeol trailed off, his eyes wide before settling for a low, “Yeah, I think it’s not the best idea.” 

Jongin squirmed on the couch, nibbling on his lips, as Chanyeol started to rub circles on his thigh. Sehun stared at them for a long time. He inhaled loudly and puffed out his cheeks before shrugging. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Chanyeol repeated, cautious. 

Sehun nodded. “Yes, okay. I get it. It’s obvious it’s serious between you and I don’t really want to third wheel anyway.” He paused, his eyes narrowing. “Just make sure I have spare keys so I can invite myself over whenever I want.”

Jongin rolled his eyes. “You wish.” 

“What?” Sehun said loudly. “You  _ ditch _ me, leaving me alone and homeless, and you still complain about the only little request I have? I thought I knew you Kim Jongin, looks like I didn’t.” he ended dramatically, shaking his head. 

Chanyeol chuckled and squeezed Jongin’s thigh. “We’re not that heartless. I’m fine with you having a spare key.” 

“Just text us before you come,” Jongin added quickly, blushing slightly.

Sehun grimaced at that. “TMI. Obviously, I don’t really want to see you doing…what you do that’s not sex.” 

“Sehun…” Chanyeol warned, his eyes flicking worriedly to his boyfriend.

“Sorry,” Sehun bit his lips, a thoughtful look on his face. “I guess it’s probably for the best anyway.”

Sehun stared at Jongin as he said it, his friend blinking before looking down at his lap. Sehun had obviously connected the dots. Jongin felt bad for pushing his best friend away but he also knew they needed it, the three of them. Chanyeol and Jongin were an item now, and Sehun needed to find his own plus one. Whatever weird dynamic they had until now had to stop. And perhaps he was selfish, but Jongin wanted Chanyeol only for himself now. As much as he loved his best friend, he didn’t want Sehun to come between them. They always would be friends, the three of them, nothing would change that, but it would be different. 

When Sehun left, a few hours later, hugging the both of them tightly with a sad smile, Jongin’s heart clenched. It felt like the end of something, something odd yet meaningful—their trio, and the end of their youth too, maybe. It was painful in a way, to let go of what they had, of who they were, but it also felt right. Besides, they still had each other and their memories. Everything finally came into place somehow. They would be alright.  

Chanyeol and Jongin stared at Sehun’s retreating back in silence. Jongin knew it wasn’t only an end though, it was also a new beginning. His new beginning with Chanyeol.

“Well, it wasn’t so bad.” Chanyeol broke the silence as he closed the door.

Jongin threw himself into his arms and clutched his boyfriend’s shirt in response. Surprised, Chanyeol wrapped his arms around him and hold him close as a small smile tugged at his lips. He could feel Jongin’s body shaking as he sobbed quietly, wetting Chanyeol’s shirt in the process. 

“Why are you crying you big baby?” Chanyeol teased him, rocking him gently. “Sehun is still your best friend, he’s not going anywhere you know. I promise.”

Jongin nodded, still weeping, and burrowed himself against Chanyeol’s chest, inhaling his comforting scent. Chanyeol was right. Sehun wasn’t going anywhere, and so was he. When he finally looked up, his eyes red and bloodshot, Chanyeol wiped his remaining tears away with his thumbs and smiled down at him fondly. Jongin grinned back and tiptoed to kiss him deeply, grateful. Chanyeol cradled his face carefully and kissed him back with the same passion, if not more, making Jongin’s heart flutter dangerously. 

Sehun was right, it was really for the best.

 


End file.
